𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 /GXG/

◾Forgive me because I'm a sinner.

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SANA YAMAZAKI
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[Friday, June 13th]

I vomited all over the sink. The vomiting was so strong that it ended up sneezing into the bathroom mirror.

Mio, who was with me at the Rollie club, let me drink too much. I was confused because I had mixed vodka with an energy drink and fell on the dance floor. Mio forced me to get up and gave me some candy.

Even outside of myself, I remember these parts. We arrived secretly. I was freezing and woke up with my hair like barbed wire.

The bathroom is hot like a sauna, and I'm too lazy to get out. ''Mio! Mio! '' I shout from the bathroom door for her to bring me the towel.

It seems she's already left. I turn off the shower and get out naked, with water dripping from my body to the floor.

The clothes she was wearing were spread out next to the bed. The clothes I took off my body are scattered across the floor.

The temperature is around twenty-seven degrees tonight. I wear a denim skirt, a pink branded shirt and sandals.

Lately, it's rare for me to stay home on the weekends. After tonight, I will go to Yan's apartment. My parents don't care where I go either, I just have to show a sign of life. Which is good because I'm working on something good.

A few months ago, Yan's father, Yang Jiang, started working with some illegal things, but he made money. It is something that is not permitted by law but has already been permitted.

I don't feel like the wrong person for doing this if it was already allowed. I'm talking about ecstasy and LSD. It is just recreational drugs. It is not addictive.

Still, I don't like the position I find myself in. I don't want to be a drug dealer, I like managing money.

Yan says it's temporary and that if I am her friend, I would help, and that she saved me from a situation a while ago. So, I feel like I have an unpayable debt.

Yan and I met in a different way. It was two years ago, at a party belonging to an acquaintance of ours, in the parking lot of a building. The entire crowd was under 14 to 18 and drinking heavily.

As it was the first time I went to a party like this, the first thing I did was drink a lot. I had never drunk before, but to blend in with the crowd ㅡ who always passed in front of me with a bottle of smirnoff ㅡ I drank two full glasses. Seconds later, everything was getting better. I started to smile, and my embarrassment went away to the point where I started dancing like crazy between them.

In less than an hour, I lost control and started kissing people without seeing who it was. It was just mouths touching mine, and I don't even remember the guys' faces. Yes, all minors, including Yuna and me.

And then the worst came. I started vomiting, and before I knew it, it was impossible to get up. I was already lying on the floor in a guy's lap. Somehow, I remember some of the faces, but I don't know how I ended up with this 14-year-old guy, lying on the floor with my head in his lap and my mind spinning. I came to think that I had already lost control.

I lost control of everything!

I was like a puppet. Anyone who wanted could pick me up, take me anywhere, and I wouldn't react and do whatever they wanted with me.

Nothing was pleasant that day. My body felt numb, my stomach felt strange, and my head felt heavy.

I remember that after a while, Yan appeared and took me away from him. Then I remember we were both in the car. I woke up in her apartment, lying on a couch next to her bed.