𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 /GXG/

🔸️December 28th

____________________
AKARI TOKIZAKI
____________________

It's already past four in the afternoon. It will soon be dark. The wipers sweep away the snow that gently falls on the glass, and the landscape becomes completely blurry.

Fog lights are on. Little movement on the expressway on the way to the supermarket.

Na-young is the one driving. I'm in the front seat. Chae won is sitting in the backseat. She has a bad cold and is therefore wrapped up to her head in a patchwork blanket. She is also trying to explain why she threw a phone number in the kitchen trash. It's from a woman in the healthcare field called Lalisa.

''I went on my own...but in the painting therapies, I started talking about what was happening to me, and I started talking to Lisa and looking at the window behind her, and not looking her in the eye. . . She asked if I was seeing anyone there. I told her I was just counting the edges of the window. Like one two three four one two three four... and so on. I was mentally counting the edges of the window while talking to her, and this happened because my anxiety increased a lot because during a consultation, you know, I didn't see a way out of my problem. Everything seems like a maze and at the exit of this maze there is someone who doesn't want to let me out and I just know that there came a point where a psychologist was telling a story about another patient and then I didn't know if she was using a strategy to start take information about my life and she was already talking about her life and her mother-in-law TO GAIN MY TRUST I LIKE IT NOW I WILL NOT GO BACK THERE!''

''Tell me what things? Your parents' things? That they're 'killing' you

''It's your problem, right?'', Na-young says indifferently, without taking her eyes off the expressway.

''Half of this is your fault!''

I hear Chae won respond. ''Chae won, please!'' I say.

'Oh, Lord! I do not care anymore...'' Na-young breaths.

''You really don't care. I can't leave because you're coming after me!''

''You've gone crazy.'' She laughs, looking nervous, ''I wake up to prepare coffee and I'm going to throw the carton of milk in the trash and I see the clinic card and I decide to call and this Larissa says to me You don't show up anymore and I go up to you and ask you this and you're outside barefoot in the snow. No coat?!''

''So what?''

''So what - I caught your attention, and you looked at me...'' Na-young looks at me briefly. '' Akari, Chae won started treating me badly out of nowhere!''

''I was fine, and you came after me out of nowhere! For what? '', Chae won replies.

I look back, and in Chae won's eyes, I only see anger. She is wrong. But it's very sad to see her fade and take out her frustration on Na-young. One of the things I liked about her was how cheerful she was. Now she only thinks about bad things.

I guess I'm thinking about bad things too. Nightmares. I don't know if it was because my mother called me and told me about her dream where I drowned that I ended up dreaming this:

It was far from the city and there was a big lake in an open area. The sky was rainy, but it was no longer raining, and the water in the lake was the color of mud, and Chae won ran happily like a child to jump and swim. But she doesn't know how to swim. I can swim. She jumped, and I managed to jump right after her, and still in the dream, I realized that I had done something impossible. I put my arm around her waist and managed to pull her and I out of the dirty water. I remember being relieved for a few seconds, and then Chae won wanted to go back into the water. Then, I woke up from the nightmare without knowing how it ended.