Vegas & Pete - The reason why I love you

II - 3 One sided love

Macau

Since I met him I have gone through so many feelings.

he was chasing my brother's lover and then I found out that I didn't hold it against him any longer because he was just like me; he had to connect with someone to find his own self.

For me it was always Vegas that I looked up to more than anyone else in the world. He had the looks, the swagger, the guts, and yes, just a hint of cruelty that made him so irresistible. I wished I could be like him! I thought I was so dull compared to him.

I guess for New the subject of his admiration was Pete. He was a combination of strength, sensitivity and generosity that only a few men have. He mistook that feeling for love, but he didn't really expect to win over Vegas.

When we were forced to live together under the same roof, I gradually became aware that he was just searching for his place. He was trying to get people to like him. At that time I thought I hated him, but neither has life been kind to him, Tankhun told me.

And then we began to have fun together. At first, Tankhun was careful that we wouldn't fight, but pretty soon we stopped thinking about that and got quite close with each other. We were always spending time together at home, in the arcade, at restaurants, at the movies...

I don't know when I began to think about him in a different way. I just wanted to be with him all the time, and in my head it was still "Would New like this? What would New think of this?".

What did I know about love? I knew nothing! I was virgin and I didn't know anything about male to male sex.

So I started my sexual education, watching pornos, reading web pages and stories. I also learned some flirting tips.

Now I could see how much I desired him.

When he hugged me the night I woke him up from his nightmare I felt for the first time how excited I was about him.

And since then I wanted to have sex with him all the time.

When I left school he would pick me up on his new motorcycle, put his arm around me and say :

- Come on, let's grab something to eat. What do you want?

When we were playing an on-line game, if I was losing he would put his finger on my chest laughing and saying

- Loooooser!

I wanted more of those special moments with him.

Because I was such a self confident jerk I had no doubt that he liked me too. And so one night I asked him to go to a restaurant to confess everything.

- It's cool you invited me out here. Is this the first place we ate together?

- Yes, it was here. I was sad because you were always locked inside your room and I asked you out. You answered " Why should you invite me ?" you were so stupid ! In fact Tankhun had told me about your parents and, even if I wouldn't care, I was affected by it because we both were orphans.

He laughed and replied:

- We've come a long way since then! I want to tell you...

- What?

- Look, life is good for me right now. I'm clean, I'm having a really cool job, and I've moved on from my crush on Pete.

- You did ? You' re sure?

- Yes, and I wanna thank you because you're a part of that.

- Me?

- Yeah, since you're now my best buddy, I've stopped feeling bad about myself. I'll tell you a secret... I have met someone. I still don't know if it's serious but...

And now I really like him and he doesn't see me that way.

Pete

Venice had finally fallen asleep.

I went downstairs to pour myself a drink before going to bed to find Macau curled up on the couch. He was crying.

- What's going on? I asked panicked.

- Everyone has found someone to love. Even Chay, who is my age, everybody knows that he and Kim are in love. Why am I left alone?

- Look, I don't know why you feel this way. Did you meet someone? Was it bad ? Why don't you talk to me about it?

- I don't want to, you wouldn't understand. Everybody likes you!

I thought about the dream, why was it so tragic ?

- You're so young and you believe that everything is easy, but it's not, especially in love. When you are in love you get out of your comfort zone and you are always feeling like you could lose everything and that makes it so exciting and frightening at the same time. But it's not always that fun. You may think Vegas and I are the perfect couple but you're wrong. Every day we push ourselves to the limit. The worry that we won't be able to forgive the hurt we've caused each other overwhelms me, the fear that Vegas might go back to his violent, self-destructive habits haunts me, and the worst thing is to worry that he won't love me anymore or that he might be killed.

He looks up at me with tears in his eyes.

- And how do you stand all this?

- It's because I believe in the two of us. I consider everything that happens as a sign of fate. Our history that started on a battlefield, the fact that we survived it all, the events of the last few months that brought the family back together and returned your brother's legacy, the arrival of Venice. I think it's all happening because we belong together. I do have faith, Macau, I do have faith in us. And you, are you ready to fight like we are or do you want to give up on the first difficulty?

- I want to fight too! I don't want to give up!