Vegas and Pete love each other, but life isn't that simple. Struggling between their painful past, their strong personalities, their intrusive families and the daily pressures of gangster life, they try to build their relationship little by little...
I hugged him tightly, with my face touching his hair. He smelled good.
I wondered what was going on but at the same time I wished this moment to last forever.
I gently caressed his back, waiting for him to calm down.
Finally, after a few minutes, he raised his eyes to me. I could feel a combination of sadness and excitement in his eyes.
- Are you okay ? I asked him, as I wiped away a teardrop from his cheek.
He rested his head on my neck.
- It's so good to feel beloved !
I shivered. Had he figured out my feelings?
- Why do you say that?
He raised his head.
- I have to leave for a few days to visit someone.
- Go away ? When and where ?
- I'm considering taking my motor bike or booking a bus ticket for tomorrow, I have no idea how to get there.
- Can't you just explain everything from the very beginning?
He explained his encounter with my uncle, Chan's letter and his will to respect his last request. When he finished, I took his hand in mine.
- Let us go together. I don't want you to make the trip alone, we don't know what kind of dangers there might be on this island.
- And in case we have to face a crocodile or gunmen, what do you intend to do?
- Laugh if you want, but I do want to go with you. Please! Please, please, please?
He gave me an indescribable look. My throat got dry, my heartbeat ran a 100-metre dash, and my gaze shifted from his eyes to his lips. At that moment I could feel an amazing emotion between the two of us. It felt like .... desire ? Our eyes were locked together and our faces were slowly coming towards each other attracted like a magnet.
But New was the first to break the spell. He stood up suddenly and said :
- Okay, I'll text you and tell you when to leave.
And he walked away, making me feel frustrated, with my heart pounding in my chest.
But I didn't pout for long. "We're going off the two of us alone, I'm so happy ! Macau this time don't miss your chance, you must tell him about your feelings... and I definitely have to kiss him or I'll go crazy!"
Pete
Little by little, my therapy sessions helped me to put words on what was going on with me.
My love and sex life with Vegas had been built from the start on the basis of domination. During sex, my feelings of pleasure were enhanced by him being dominant and me being dominated.
However the happiness could not help me to forget the emotional shock of the beginning.
- You have been beaten, humiliated, threatened, and although you feel that falling in love has erased everything, your subconscious mind has not forgotten anything. Your baby-related fatigue and your new responsibilities have weakened you and brought it all back to the surface.
To deal with the danger and keep on living, I apparently had to give up my identity. The words I said to Vegas before I ran away "- I have nothing left, not even my humanity. I have no feelings. I can't take it anymore" were cries for help.
The violent experience with Vegas had caused me an emotional shock that evolved into post-traumatic stress disorder, and I now needed to rebuild my self-esteem.
How could I do that? Obviously, the cause of my pain was the key for my recovery.
- You love the one that hurt you, so you must deal with it together.
The most important thing was talking to each other about it. Since the beginning, besides his frequent apologies for hurting me, we didn't talk about it. But to be able to get over it, it had to come out.
- Exorcise your devils Pete! Make sure you are filled with love and most importantly get some rest.
I needed to be alone with Vegas in order to have a talk, but also to reconnect with each other. I desired him alone, no family, no responsibilities, just us enjoying each other's company for a few days.
I texted Macau, "I want to plan a romantic weekend with Vegas, are you free to babysit Venice?"
After few minutes he answered: "Sorry, I gotta go away with New for a few days".
I had only one option left. I dialed the number.
- Hello
- Hello Tankhun I have a request to make. Could you babysit Venice this weekend?
- It's turning into a regular thing to use me as a nanny!
- Look, I really need to take a break and you owe me, you' re still not forgiven for what you did to us.
- Ok, ok I'll keep your little one but you better beware because soon I'll consider myself definitively forgiven and you can go to hell!
- Thanks Tank.
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