Heart of rainbows || Englot || Completed

Chapter 29: Last first kiss

Engfa's POV

As we were now situated on the couch, she became remorseful, as if she had done something wrong. "I am sorry about what happened at the restaurant. I just don't want you to date the wrong guy..." Char apologized to me.

"Stop saying you're sorry...you did the right thing. I am totally fine with it..." I made amends for my stupidity in pursuing a relationship I was not ready for. 

Imagine her feeling guilty because she only wanted what was best for me makes my heart feel safe, knowing that she will always be ready to protect me when I am in trouble. 

Although I am not a sleeper, I want to rest, but her presence makes it hard for me to do what I want to. So, I told her to go home since it was almost midnight. 

"I don't want to go home...I refused to go home... I miss you, Fa. Why are you pushing me away from you? It feels like we're not close as we used to be anymore..." She saddens by the fact that we're getting distant. 

In fact, I was running away from her because of the mistakes that I had made when I blurred the lines between us. I was too scared that our friendship would become doomed if I hung out with her any longer. 

I couldn't even properly talk to her openly anymore when I daydreamed about my best friend from time to time just because of that moment when I think of her as more than a friend. And the thought only takes place after she reveals that she's dated a girl before, which changes my viewpoint of her. 

"I miss you too...I am sorry if I made things uncomfortable, but I will make it up to you." I asked for an understanding from her. 

"You know that I will always be there for you, right? Talk to me, please...because we always express ourselves no matter how hard it is. My life has been a nightmare since we last connected, " She wanted me to speak my mind up.

"Really? I thought you had someone special already," I slurred the information I obtained from today at the restaurant when I saw Char with another woman. 

On the other hand, Char looked perplexed, as if she didn't understand what I meant, "What do you mean?" 

"I know you are seeing someone at the restaurant where I had my date. Who is that girl, by the way?" I activated my detective mode. 

"She's my ex... her name is Heidi, and I only happened to bump into her just now and had a quick catch-up session. She's just a friend to me." She clarified her relationship with the woman. 

My heart felt at peace when I heard her saying that. But even if I had feelings for her, I knew I was incapable of loving a woman because I am straight. Or that's what I thought I believed. 

I never imagined myself as being part of the LGBTQ+ community, as I often viewed women as someone beautiful and cute but nothing beyond that. 

And to add more about my heartbreaks and disappointments over men I've been with, maybe it's understandable that I am over men now, but that doesn't mean I completely changed my orientation. 

...

"While we're on the subject, there's one thing I wanted to say to you...To be honest, I don't want to complicate our friendship any further, but I am tired of pretending. I'll admit it...I like you." Char confessed her love for me.

Waiting for the right opportunity, she continued, "I like you because you make me crave for your attention...I like talking to you; you always cared for me, making me feel special. I'm not asking you to respond to my confession, but I just want to let you know so I could come clean about my feeling."    

When I heard her, I knew that at that moment, I needed to kiss her on the lips, and I did it for the first time. Immediately, she reciprocated the kiss as if she had wanted to do it for a long time. With this much passion, the kiss goes smoothly as if we practised the kiss in our minds a hundred times. 

But soon enough, I withdrew from her when I realized that I had kissed a girl, "I am sorry, Char, I can't do this..." I tried to explain, but only tears came out. I felt really bad for rejecting her just because I felt weird. My heart felt weird.  

Char understood my feeling, "I respect your decision...it's okay," She removed the tears from my face before pulling away from me. And that's probably the last time I saw her that night.

Author's note:

First of all, I am sorry and second of all, I am sorry😢😢