Heart of rainbows || Englot || Completed

Chapter 32: What a fool

Engfa's POV

When I became uncertain about my feelings for Char, I knew that at that point, I had made the best decision to reject her. I was too disorganised with my emotions, let alone dealing with Char's confession. I needed more time to think.

I am confused over my judgement whether I do have feelings for Char or if I only fake my emotions just because I don't want to disappoint her. 

I don't want to give her false hope when I don't even know if I could be in love with a girl. I never imagined myself in that kind of situation before. It's natural to have fears of the unknown, especially when I let myself fall in love with my best friend because it's a real risk.

And yesterday, when Char smiled sadly after hearing my response, I broke down because I was scared that I might fucked up the only chance for me and her to be together. Realising what I'd done to Char, I admitted I was stupid for making tons of excuses just to make myself feel better.

Because I know deep in my heart I was petrified of telling the truth to her. 

That I like her too. 

...

I don't know what day it is when I've been drowning myself in sadness because of my stupid decision. These past few days have been torturous for me as I kept regretting myself over and over again because I am a coward for not confessing my true feeling.

Every time I woke up, I remembered that I had rejected her, and I felt miserable, knowing that I was breaking her heart. I just wish I could say what I truly feel to her when I have the chance.  

I thought I'd made the best decision, but my emotional state says otherwise. I've been crying nonetheless, trying to toughen up when I hurt myself by not having proper sleep and food. And you wondered why? Because I deserved it.

"Oh god, I like her..." I sobbed until I became tired and fell asleep because that was the only way to force myself to sleep.  

...

(The day of Char's departure)

I continued my life as usual, but I didn't know if I could get through the day this time. I felt like I have no reason to live. Gazing at a space, my ears started to hear ringing from my phone. I grabbed the phone and saw an unknown number calling me. 

Not caring who the person might be, I answered the call without interest in having a conversation. But not until I heard her name...

"Char is leaving..." When Heidi told me that, I was numb to hear that Char was at the airport. I immediately rush to Char, still wishing this is just a dream. 

Ten minutes later, I arrived and ran to the departure area as if my life depended on it. Then, I spotted Heidi and asked Char's whereabouts, but it was too late. 

 "If I had one more chance to turn back time, I would've told her my honest feeling..." I silently scolded myself.  

I am trying to hold my breath to stop crying, but I am fed up with myself. All the words I wanted to say from my heart were suddenly gone because the person I wanted to say to was gone too. 

And my body couldn't handle my pain when the floor beneath me began to sway, making my legs wobble. The last thing I saw was the darkness which depicts my current mood. 

...

As I slowly opened my eyes, I was confused about why I was wearing a hospital gown on a bed. "Did something happen to me?" I questioned myself.

A couple of minutes later, my mother came to the room, grateful that I had finally woken up. "Oh dear... why did you faint at the airport? Are you not feeling well?" She was now frightened to see that I looked very frail. 

Recalling back at the airport, I remembered Char and my tears automatically produced effortlessly. "Why are you crying, dear..." My mother worried about me.

"I lost her, mom..." Still sobbing my heart out. 

"Who is she? Do you mean the girl outside? She is the one that contacted me that you will be here," She still doesn't understand what I meant. 

"That's not her, mom...I like a girl named Charlotte...but she's gone now," I dwelled on my misery. 

My mom was astonished to hear that I loved someone who was not a guy, but I was even more shocked to hear her say this, "I think the girl you mentioned is outside...I mean, that's what she introduced her name was."

"That can't be right...she took her flight today and left," I am still in denial, but someone decided to make her appearance in the room. 

Author's note:

Who is coming???🤐  Anyway, if you want to feel my pain while writing this chapter, please listen to the song below😭😭