Accidents Made Right 1: Pistanthrophobia

Chapter 37: New Party Member Aquired

As Rose locked her lips with mine, my mind started to race, but not in the way I expected.

Why is there no spark? No butterflies in my stomach, no heavenly feelings, nothing. It feels so... empty.

I started to kiss back, but still nothing changed.

Why does it feel so... wrong?

You know the reason, Hope answered.

Holy shit, you're right.

I tore myself from the kiss, and Rose started blushing heavily, saying nervously "Oh gosh, I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean to, I just got so comfortable, and I just went for it. I'm so sorry."

I sat there in silence, processing the sudden confirmation of my sexuality. Eventually, Rose broke the silence, saying "I get it. I should go."

"Wait, not yet," I said loudly, and Rose stayed in her seat.

I sighed, then asked "Can I tell you something?"

"Ummm... sure."

"Remember back when I told you how much my parents dying affected me?"

"Yeah, but I don't see how that has to do with this."

"You'll understand in a moment. Just... don't judge me," I said before taking a long inhale through my nose, and then a long exhale from my mouth.

"Well, the thing is, back when I said that... I lied, sort of. Sure, it did affect me, but that wasn't the main reason I'm... the way I am now."

Yes, say it! Hope yelled in excitement.

"The real reason is, well... because I've been 'in the closet'."

"Wait, what," Rose responded, even more confused.

I sighed, then continued explaining "I used to have the biggest crush on another kid, back when I was a child. They were my only friend back then, and he was my only source of comfort after my parents died. We were very close. I was probably closer with him than anybody I've ever known, even Isaac or Dylan. The thing was though that he... was Robert's son, Rowan." Rose's mouth dropped for a split-second, but she quickly closed it before I could make any note of it.

"And since Rowan ran away with me, Robert tried to get him back. He even made a base solely for getting him back, so we had to destroy it. And we did, but..."

"But what? What happened?"

"Robert somehow predicted we'd destroy it, and sent a squad to bring him back. We both put up a good fight, but in the end... they got him."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't...," Rose started to say, but didn't finish, so I continued. "And on top of that, at the time, I was actually planning on asking Rowan out. But I didn't get the chance, and I ended up going into denial about being gay, convincing myself I was striaght, and nothing else."

Rose sat there and processed what I said, and then asked "So, I guess that kiss was kind of a wake-up call, in a way?"

"Sort of, yeah. I'm sorry for leading you on, but... well, I guess I needed it. I understand if you're mad."

"Well, sure, I'm disappointed, but not mad. Like you said, you needed this. Mental health should come before love, after all."

...

"Thank you. Seriously. I don't say that often."

We sat there in silence for probably half an hour, every five or ten minutes taking a small shot of whiskey and handing our glasses to the bartender.