Dazai shuts off the mic and he doesn't move. He doesn't dare listen to his thoughts. He doesn't dare think about what he's done. For once, his mind shuts off completely.
He doesn't blink.
Doesn't breathe.
Doesn't show a reaction.
He was never supposed to be here, he was supposed to be somewhere safe. He wasn't supposed to be apart of his plan, wasn't supposed to be on Fyodor's side.
He...
An awful sound comes from his chest and out of his mouth.
How?
Why?
What?
When?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
He clasps his hand onto his mouth, he doesn't know what he just did. What was that? He's never...
"Dazai?"
He doesn't wanna look at another person, doesn't want to breathe, doesn't want to see another living, breathing person that just reminds him of somebody else who won't.
A person from behind him calls his name out again, but he doesn't register it. He hears it but he can't process it. What was the point?
He laughs, but it comes out forced and choked.
Painful memories of his times with Chuuya, it hits him with the force of a tsunami, the memory of him holding Chuuya's hand, the memory of holding Chuuya's wrist to nullify Corruption when they were battling Lovecraft, the memory of him cradling Chuuya's cheek while they were literally in the sky, surrounded by a bright light—
This was a once in a lifetime opportunity to kill Fyodor, out of all his plans and all his predictions, this was the only one that would successfully eliminate Fyodor and once again, bring peace into the Agency. He had it all planned out, was ready for everything Fyodor dared to throw at him.
Not once, did he think this would be what would become of the fire that's kept him warm and alive for years.
He never once thought that... He never... Never...
"Chuuya." His voice breaks as he calls out for nobody to respond to. Everything around him is blurry. Everything around him is gone. Is this what people say?
Is this what people mean by their whole world collapsing?
The worst part about grief isn't about thinking of the old memories you had with them. It's thinking about the memories you could have had with them.
It's another unsuccessful universe.
Does it really matter though? If he died?
None of the universes, not one of them, were made for him anyway. This is just one of Dazai,s many failed lives, failed universes.
Not one Dazai had gotten a lifetime with Chuuya, not one.
Not ever.
YOU ARE READING
𝗦𝗢𝗨𝗞𝗢𝗞𝗨 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗦
Storie d'amoreI HAVE MOVED ON TO AO3, THIS MOST LIKELY WILL NO LONGER BE UPDATED (ao3: zaikunxx) I PLAN TO REWORK SOME OF THE CHAPTERS IN THIS BOOK ON AO3, SO PLEASE CHECK ME OUT <3 Content warnings: •Suicide (especially for Dazai, of course.) •Self-harm •Cursi...
