𝗦𝗢𝗨𝗞𝗢𝗞𝗨 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗦

Fuck me? Fuck you!

"For fuck's sake Dazai, I'm not dealing with your bullshit right now!"

"Oh wow, so you're running away now? I never took you as such a coward before, Chuuya."

"Me? Me? I'm the coward?! You have had one foot out the door ever since we met— You were practically ready to run way, practically gagging to get a head-start from us. You were— no— You are so fucking afraid of us, Dazai. All I have ever wanted was for this relationship to work the fuck out!"

"That's not true at all and you know it!"

"It is true, you asshole! What, did you leave me for four fucking years on radio silence for shiggles?! Admit it, Dazai. You are a horrible, shitty fucking person. You were horrible to me and you're horrible to me now. You bring nothing but fucking misery to people you love, while you ostracize the ones who love you!"

"You have no right to fucking say that! I have loved you ever since we were fifteen, that's seven years Chuuya! You can't just fucking think that was just some random thing I orchestrated and manipulated you to believe— I was fucking unhappy about loving you too, you know."

"Wow, there goes the 'You're delusional, Chuuya' bullshit again. That wasn't love, Dazai. That was a weird, twisted fixation— I was just another fucking pawn for you to play with and sacrifice the moment I wasn't worth shit anymore."

"You can't seriously believe that—!"

"Yeah I fucking can!"

"Chuuya— We've had millions of arguments like this before, this is nothing different—"

"Isn't the fact we had those arguments so many times already telling enough that we can't be fucking together anymore? Isn't the fact that we're screaming at each other in the rain not enough for you? Do I have to fucking spell it out?"

"..."

"I fucking hate you, Dazai. Those 'seven years' of loving me was bullshit, four years of that; you fucking abandoned me, left me in the Port Mafia. It was all bullshit, you're bullshit. Fuck you."

"Fuck me? Fuck you."

"Okay, okay cut! Jesus guys, that was amazing. Like jaw-droppingly, astonishingly, Oscar-winning material crazy amazing."

"Thanks Haruka, that means a lot."

"I agree with idiot Dazai over here."

"No, really. I was close to tears watching you guys, I have been invested in this series for so long and I actually can't believe you guys came up with all of that one the spot! Damn, directing for this show has been a fever dream I swear to God. What's up with all of your talentedness? Come share with the crowd please."

"You flatter us, Haruka."

"Honestly, I think the best decision I've made in my life is the one where I picked you guys for Soukoku. The second one was definitely letting you guys use your real names, It makes the whole scene more real, raw and so believable."

"I can agree with that, actually. Acting all that out and having my real name used for it really brought all the feeling out."

"Wait... Wouldn't it be funny if we released that scene in really low quality and said that the argument was real and you were going to actually divorce? We can edit out the Port Mafia parts and the telling signs it's about Bungou Stray Dogs too."

"...I gladly consent to that—"

"No way, don't listen to that dumbass, Haru!"

"Ahahaha! I find it hilarious that you guys are practically Bungou Stray Dogs's Chuuya and Dazai in real life. You have their dynamic! Less tear-jerking and heartbreaking though."

"Ah, Happy married Soukoku, something our fans truly hope for."

"Oh shut up, 'Samu."

"...Huhu, Chuuya, let's go home~"

"Wah— Hey, let go asshole."

"Ah. Bye-bye you guys, have fun at home~ Don't do anything too unholy later!"

"What in the hell is that supposed to me—"

"Exactly what it sounds like, sweet little Chuu-tums."

Here, have this dialogue-only fic. I truly hope I made you believe this was an angst fic where Osamu and Chuuya fall out for realzies 😔 Anyways, more Actor! Chuuya x Actor! Dazai fics please any wonderful talented writers reading this 🥺

(PS: i just might write that whole thing out as a one-shot, but it'll still be acting though.)