𝗦𝗢𝗨𝗞𝗢𝗞𝗨 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗦

A One-Sided Conversation ( Not The First Nor Will It Be The Last.)

He sets Chuuya on the ground, sitting beside him with his legs crossed. He takes out a small handkerchief and wipes it on the other's wounds. "Chuuya, for such a kid-sized being, you bleed so much." Chuuya doesn't respond though, only breathing in and out evenly, enough for Dazai to see the rise and fall in his chest.

His unoccupied hand reaches for Chuuya's cheek, stopping only inches away.

"You're so warm." He says breathlessly, bringing his hand down. Chuuya is radiating a heat that's comforting outside in the cold night. He tends to be like this after Corruption.

He lifts Chuuya's head slightly, so he can clean him more effectively. "It's the second time we've met after so long, yet you still trust me enough to use Corruption? You still trust me enough to save you from Arahabaki?" Dazai questions, even though he knows there's not going to be a response. The current revelation has his stomach churning and his heart beating in his ears, because why would this frightening, powerful being ever trust in a soulless shell of the human it used to be?

"Chuuya. You're such a venomous little thing, how dare thee pull such reactions from me even when you aren't even conscious and aware?" It makes him feel vulnerable, soft.

"You've always been too trusting. You're everything I could never be." He's only ever trusted the fewest of people, those few including Chuuya. Sweet, little Chuuya. Chuuya who's been nothing but a fire burning alive in the darkness, not tainted by it the slightest bit.

Unlike him.

Him, who's never had a burning fire in years. Him, who is darkness.

"It's kind've funny." He laughs, swiping the cloth repeatedly at a wound that won't stop bleeding. "You're the one who's a lab experiment, the one who doesn't even know if they're even human. Yet you've always been the more human one between us." He stops his hand, finding himself wanting to hold Chuuya close.

"That's a dangerous thought." He lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. "But I know you're human, Chuuya. There's no possible way that you're a man-made string of characters from some crappy lab...You're too—" Too what, exactly? Too unlike Dazai?

"You're too alive. Too real. No way I could ever hate a man-made thing this much."

He stares at Chuuya's face, the one time he could ever admire him without being called up on it, was when the other was unconscious. He relishes in the way the moonlight shines upon Chuuya's face, the way he looks so calm and content.

All those dangerous thoughts he's been having, all the times he'd stare at Chuuya, all the times he couldn't pull his eyes or mind  away from him for all these years—

Maybe he should've known sooner about this... Eye-opening revelation.

He's always knows Chuuya was beautiful, even his younger self couldn't deny that. To him, he was the most perfect thing he's ever come to know existed. A never-ending source of life inside him, loyal, trusting, honest— Perfect in every sense of the word.

In his opinion, Arahabaki is irrelevant.

He probabaly would still consider Chuuya a god even if Arahabaki never existed.

He brushes his fingertips on the beauty that is Chuuya, silently wishing he could spend his whole life looking at the calm expression on his face. If all he ever obtained would be lost, maybe his life would come next. He doesn't want to live long enough to see Chuuya taken away from him.

"I've always known I would die. But if I were to do so, I do hope it'll be by your hands and not anyone else's." He appreciates the times he can talk to Chuuya without the other knowing he's even talking to him. "I don't deserve you. You, on the other hand, deserve the world. But it feels like we were built from the same dirt."