Not that bad // Rhea Ripley

29- This Is What It Takes

"And if this is what it takes, let me be the one to bear the pain"

Shawn Mendes

I was anticipating seeing Ashton this morning, not only because I had missed him, but because of what he was about to tell me about the boys. I didn't have a clue of the topic, but for him to be serious like that was really frightening me. I got up early and sent a text message to Scott to tell him where I was, hoping his phone wouldn't wake him up. I put on a pair of ripped skinny jeans, with a simple sweater and my worn out Dr Martens. I attached my hair in kind of a ponytail, since it's kinda short.I applied light make up, like I always do, and left. Ashton arrived as soon as I stepped foot outside.

" Aren't you cold with just a sweatshirt ?" He screeched.

" No, I'm actually getting kinda used of the weather here." I chuckled.

" Wanna go grab some coffee ? I just went by a Starbucks on my way. "He suggested. "And like that, we can talk freely."

"Yep, sounds good."

He drove to the Starbucks, we ordered and sat down, our hot drinks in hand. Ashton looked at me silently for a moment, and it was starting to really freak me out.

" Please Ashton, tell me what's happening, I can't bear this." I sighed.

" Luke's getting bullied, and he had told us before, and he didn't want us to intervene." Ashton started, letting out a deep breath. "But I think it's getting worse."

" Why are you saying that?"

" Well the other day, we were at practice, and, it was really really hot, especially in Cal's basement. And Luke was there with this large hoodie, and he wouldn't take it off, even though he was sweating like crazy." He explained. "I think he has bruises on his body, or something else. And I think Michael has the same problem."

" What do you mean?" I asked, my voice shaking.

" I think he has started hurting, or cutting himself." Ashton said, looking down. "He hasn't been the same since you left, and I'm not trying to criticize or anything, you're living your dream, and Michael, and everyone is happy about this! I just think he misses you a lot."

I felt my whole world crumble. My best friend is at home, dealing with shit, and harming his own body, and I can't even be there for him, I can't help him and he's my best fucking friend. I felt like crying at this moment, and also knowing Luke was hurt, and bullied made it worse. Okay, I didn't like Luke before, and acted cold towards him, but nobody deserves to be bullied, even if you hate them with all you have.

"How are you Ashton ?" I asked him, knowing about his past.

" Well that obviously brings back bad memories and all, but all of that is behind me now." He assured me with a smile. "I have moved on, and I feel good now, and maybe my 'experience' could be of help."

" Yeah ..." I said looking down. "I wish I could be there to help, shit I hate myself so much right now."

And with just that, the tears started streaming down my face. Ashton moved from his seat to go near me, and hugged me from the side.

" Come on, let's go somewhere else alright ?" He asked. "Let's go walk for a bit."

I nodded and he helped me up. I felt so disgusting I wanted to throw up. How could I be so selfish to not notice everything that was going wrong back in Australia. As soon as we found a quiet place, Ashton held me as tight as he could, and cried with me. We stayed in this position for a good 30 minutes, until we had emptied all we could.

" Please Roxanne, don't think you're selfish alright?" Ashton said gently. "This isn't in any way your fault."

" But maybe it wouldn't have happened if I stayed in Australia." I said.

" But you would have ended up being unhappy." He explained. "The occasion that was given to you is a once in a lifetime chance. If you didn't take it, you would have regretted it, trust me." He hugged me again. "I'm going to take care of the boys, take care of yourself, and come back home when you can alright ? Everything will be fine, I promise."

I hugged him tighter, and we decided to go to the hotel, to warm up a little. Phil and Scott were there, talking, so I introduced Ashton to Scott.

" Hey you two!" I said cheerfully. "Spent a good night ?"

" Yep." They both said. "And who is he?" Scott asked.

" He's Ashton, one of my childhood friend." I explained. "Ashton this is Scott, he's Phil's friend, training me, and my partner for tonight's match."

" Well, I'd rather know that he is in your corner and not the opponent's." He laughed.

We made small talk for a moment before Ashton and I went to eat. I was worried sick, about so many things. About tonight, about my friend's condition, I couldn't think straight. Right now, I just want to go home so badly, even though I know it's impossible.

" Hey, Roxy, don't think too much." Ashton said calmly. "You have your match to concentrate on, I'll take good care of the guys, and I told Calum, he's being extra careful right now with them. And now they're all together to watch the match tonight. It'll be alright." He reassured me.

I nodded, and soon the time for me to go to the venue arrived. I was shaking like crazy.