Not that bad // Rhea Ripley

37- All Fucked Up

// I didn't say before, but all the songs at the beginning of the chapters are songs that I personnaly love, if that helps you know me better. 

I also changed all the titles of the chapters to the titles of the songs hehe

"The truth is I'm fucked up"

The Amity Affliction

I tried to forget about Phil's behavior and enjoy the few moments I could spend with the boys. It was Saturday, I got out of the hospital yesterday. They thought something was odd with my knee, but it turned out everything was fine. So here I was today at Michael's house, for one of our get-together days, only between the two of us.

" Hey Mikey." I started, as I sat on his bed, my back on the wall.

" Yeah?" He answered from the floor where he was sitting, leaned against the bed.

" Is there something you need to talk to me about?" I said, knowing he was aware of what I mean.

" Roxanne please ..." He lowered his head. "Please don't hate me."

" No Michael, I don't hate you, I could never hate you!" I got down next to him. "But please explain to me, you know I can understand and hear pretty much anything."

" I fucking hate myself Roxanne."

I was really taken aback by his words. I always knew Michael wasn't the most self loving person, but he never said he 'hated' himself. He would sometimes pick at random things he didn't like, but never to that extent.

" Why would you say that, you are -" I started but he cut me off.

" Don't you dare say I'm an amazing person or whatever bullshit you were about to say." He snapped. "I fucking hate who I am, the way I look, the way I talk, even the damn way I play guitar."

I got up on my feet, and pulled Michael up. I led him in front of the mirror and made him look at me.

" You hate your looks?" I repeated and he nodded. "Tell me exactly what's wrong about them."

" Roxanne." He tried, but saw my eyes and obeyed. "I hate my hair."

" Nothing that can't be arranged by a nice haircut. " I trailed. "What else."

" I hate my little eyes."

" You have the most beautiful green eyes the whole world has seen Michael, no joke." I said, placing a hand on his cheek. "Green eyes are so rare, and yours are so bright."

I saw him blush a little at my compliment. We went on like that for a few minutes, before he pulled me in the tightest hug ever, and thanked me repeatedly.

" Hey, we both need a makeover, how about we get started on that ?" I asked Michael with a wink.

" You need a makeover?" He asked curiously, his eyebrow raised.

" Yeah, for work." I said shyly.

" Tell me exactly what I need to do to you, I'm always down for that you know?" He said, with that damn smile I love so much.

" Well, they want me to look 'meaner' or ' more punk' I don't really know." I chuckled. "They suggested I re-dye my hair, get an undercut, and maybe a piercing, but I'm still thinking about that one."

" Why are you hesitating ?" He asked, intrigued.

" Well, I like the looks it would give me, but fuck am I scared of ripping it off during a match." I laughed. " And then, please let me take care of your hair, alright ?"