Guilty of Unbidden Pleasure

Chapter 35

TW!

Blue's POV

9 years ago..

We were looking at the stars while lying beside tito's grave..

It's been a month since he was gone and every friday, Gabby would visit here and just lie beside his dad..

"Do you think what they said was true?" Gabby suddenly said

"About what?"

"About you becoming a star once you're gone.." mahina niyang sagot.

Lumingon ako sa kanya.

Nakamasid lamang siya sa langit. Bakas pa rin ang mga luha mula kanina. Tuwing bibisita kami dito ay tahimik siyang iiyak ng ilang oras.

Gusto ko man siyang pigilan, alam kong masakit pa rin sa kanya ang pagkawala ni tito.

"I don't know Gab.. Maybe.. Maybe not?"

Saglit siyang nag-isip..

"Should I find out?" Biglang tanong niya.

Napaupo ako sa narinig...

"Gab. It's not a good joke.." madiing sabi ko

Ramdam ko ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso ko..

Unti unting binalot ng takot ang puso ko..

Tumingin siya sakin, nakahiga pa rin..

Hanggang sa natawa siya..

"Ang seryoso mo masyado" nakangiting sabi niya.

"Hindi magandang biro Gabby. Tell me the truth.. A-Are you even considering..." hindi ko matuloy ang tanong

"Considering what? Being a star? Hmmm. Ni minsan hindi ko naisip. I was too focused on surviving when mom left. Then Dad happened. Pero hindi ko pa rin naisip. You know why?" He asked

Medyo nakahinga ako ng maluwag sa narinig.

Umiling ako...

"It's because of you.." he said smiling.

Naupo siya at pinagpag ang uniform..

"I know the feeling of being left behind. It's hell Blue.. And I don't want you to experience that. Not because of me. So don't be scared okay?" He said

Tumango ako at huminga ng malalim.

"Hindi ko ata kakayanin Gab.." bulong ko

Tumingala siyang muli sa langit..

"Death is something we can't avoid. Eventually, everyone will face that. One thing I can promise is I will not initiate it to myself, nothing intentional okay?" He said

"Fine.. I will hold on to that promise then.. No matter how hard tomorrow will become.." paniniguro ko.

He chuckled..

"But you need to promise me as well.." he said

Napakunot ang noo ko..

"Promise me that if ever I'm on a life and death situation, you will never ever call my mom" he stated

Ilang segundo kaming nagtitigan..

"Promise me Blue.. I hate her that much. I'd rather die than see her again" he pleaded.

Bumuntong hininga ako..

"I promise.."

"Blue?"

"Blue!"

I was taken aback when Benj hit my shoulder.

Napalingon ako sa kanila..

Naririto na silang tatlo, suot pa ang mga uniform. Nakabukas pa nga kaunti ang backpack ni Levi, tila nagmadali sa pagpunta dito at basta nalang nilagay ang mga gamit niya..

I felt a new batch of hot tears coming out from my eyes..

Niyakap ako ni Dash at sinabayan ako sa pag-iyak..

"H-How is he?" Nanginginig na tanong ni Levi

Napailing ako...

"N-Not in a good shape. Ilang oras na sila sa operating room.. Sabi, masama ang pagkakatama ng ulo niya.. Hindi ko masyadong naintindihan ang ibang sinabi ng doktor dahil kinailangan agad siyang ipasok sa operating room. He was 50/50.. In my fucking arms.. Hindi ko dapat siya hinayaang tumawid mag-isa--"

Niyugyog ako ni Benj

"Blue! Stop! Riel will not be happy if you blame yourself. No one wants this to happen!" Sigaw ni Benj

Napaupo si Levi sa harapan ko..

"Let's all calm down.. Malakas si Riel.. Kakayanin niya to okay? We need to trust him" naiiyak na sabi ni Dash.

Tumango tango sila..

I am so fucking scared.

I don't even want to imagine what might happen..

"Did you call.... her mom?" Tanong ni Benj

Napatingala ako dahil doon.

Umiling ako..

"I made a promise to him. I will never call her mom. Even in situations like this." Mahinang sagot ko..

"But you know the protocols Blue. They will eventually need a family member." Levi said

Umiling ako at lalong naiyak... Magagalit si Gabriel.. Masasaktan siya..

"That's not for you to decide pero talagang hindi mo ako tinawagan?"

Napalingon kami sa pinanggalingan ng boses..

Please.. Please don't let it be her..

Nanlumo ako nang makita kung sino...

"Even if you don't call me, malalaman ko pa rin naman. He is my son Bluwell, that's something you both can't erase"

Umiwas nalang ako ng tingin.

My Gabby will be very heartbroken once he saw...

That his mom is here..