Penance (Book One): Daryl Dixon x Sage Wilson

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Everyone was laughing, smiling, clinking their glasses for the last hour, reminiscing about the past lives we all once had. The lives where we worked from morning to night, slept, eat, repeat. What was I supposed to say? I had no life for as long as I could remember. And with everyone being in such a high mood, I wasn't going to dampen it with my own personal bibliography. Instead, I just sit here and look content; I was, with my stomach being full of rich protein and wine, but it seemed so surreal now.

I look across the table, and catch sight of Shane who raises his glass to me. I raise mine in response, managing to let out a stiff expression. I look over to Rick who had given Carl a sip of his wine, which managed to make me chuckle. I then look down and see T-Dog wooing over Jackie, probably planning to get to know the bed well.

"Rick!" Lori hisses as she takes the wine from his hand.

"It's alright, Lori. He's a kid; who knows if he will ever try it again." I say. She loosens up, and Carl plops more food into his mouth.

"Yeah, what Sage said!" Jackie says with a laugh.

It was strange how to avoid the reality of reality, everyone was cramming dehydrated grapes down their gullets like there was no tomorrow. And even if that may be true, getting drunk was never in the cards for me. It seemed like a dream, as the best way to put it. And all I wished was that Ava was here. She could be starving on the streets for all I know. But the dark part of my conscious told me that if death happens there is nothing we could do about it except get revenge.

The sounds of silverware and chatter clink together as I look around at everyone. Carol was helping Sophia cut her steak, Jackie was talking up a storm with Dale, Andrea was finally taking and making small talk with Lori and Shane, and everyone else just joined conversation. Everyone except me and Daryl. I look to him and as soon as I do, he looks to me. I feel my face get hot, and return back to staring at the table. There was something about Daryl Dixon that made me break my barriers down I took years to build- and I didn't like one bit of it. I promised myself I would never open up to another person ever again unless it was Ava.

"So, what's your story Sage?" I look over to Glenn, who asks. My eyes open wide in response , as this was the very question I wanted to dodge out of all questions. I knew he meant no harm but I also knew everyone would be better off the least they knew about me.

"Too much," I shake my head. "Not for kids." A part of me needed to escape to avoid the silence that were to follow. I scoot out my chair, standing up. The room seemed to echo my every move, and I look down at Daryl who sat a couple of chairs down from me, who was messing with his fork and biting his lip. He was the only one who knew the littlest bit about me; a mistake I made last night.

I give everyone a brief smile and look down to Dr. Jenner. "Thank you for the meal and wine, but I better get going to bed." I look at Glenn and give him a smile as I turn around and head up the stairs.

I wanted to run. That was my problem. The last three weeks of my life have been nothing but a living hell; but as soon as I run into a group of strangers, these walls I build keep tumbling down as if I never built a foundation for them. If you wanted to survive in this world you needed to not provoke the weaker side of yourself- the side that gets you killed.

I put my hand on the railing and quickly run up the stairs, just needing to shower and cleanse myself from the guilt and PTSD. I needed hot water to burn my skin again to the point where I'm red and almost passing out, an all too familiar feeling I searched for at home.

"You're nothing but pathetic!"

I rush down the stairs a little faster, trying to make it to the front door. My hair is grabbed and I'm yanked back, my head hitting the carpeted hard wood. I hold my head, feeling the warm liquid emerge from the middle of the cowlick on my scalp. The room is spinning. And lights are fading in and out.

I have to stand up.

I feel my heart accelerate as I finally make way to the closest room and shut the door behind me.

My back slides against the door and hits the floor as I brace myself for relentless anger.

The door shakes violently over and over again, my head hitting the wood.

All I can do is stare ahead at the blank wall in front of me.

All I can do is stare ahead at the holes in the wall in front of me.

The lump in my throat is choking me as I put my hands up to my neck, trying to push it down.

The bruises around my neck ache as I try to breathe.

"Sage?"

"Sage!"

The door rattles with a knock.

The door shakes with never ending fists.