9. Accordance to Society

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My precious darling society, when will I be ready?

You know what I dislike the most about you, society? I can go back into playlists or poetry to know who I was, but I will never know who I breathe as.

You disorientated the world into your latest creation, and I lost what was remaining while trying to cope. They say to be true to you, but when your entire world changes, there is no choice but to correspond. I can't see who I resemble, besides a carbon replication.

It's not terrible and enslaving, is what I want to tell you, but in a way it is terrible. I can't seem to see what I was before a broken girl with crippling social anxiety that tries to be the best she can in any person's thoughts. I can't stick to one persona, or they won't like me.

The social constructs conceal whatever I say or think to the point that I can bleed on pages or conceal my emotions, whichever you prefer. I wanted to be yours. But at what cost? I still like who I became, but I am so scared that it's not real. The entire personality I present is based on single things because nothing else will please, sublimity is a bane.

Then I think that the one thing I care about is another social construct, and blame my anxiety. It's embraced me too closely, and I can't breathe without wanting to trust it. An elixir to enslave, it created. I see that I am sipping on it, the same way she does. I wonder, is anyone scared of who I became in the way that I can't cope as she is stained?

Precious society, please spill your secrets, will I see where I truly belong, will I be okay?

© Sincerely, ♡ - November 2022

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