Fifty Shades of Minho - Suppressed desire

1.2

POV. Jisung

-At the same time-

I sat bored in my small room, which I got cheaply in a shared flat outside Seoul's city centre. "Hey Ji, the rent is due the day after tomorrow, please do not forget it again and pay on time. I really like you and don't want to have kick you out..." my roommate named Jackson spoke from the other side of my door. "I'll pay on time , Hyung, I promise!" Of course I knew I couldn't keep this up, I didn't have a job after all, and I was studying still. I felt a breakdown coming on, so I quickly put on my jacket "Ok Ji, I trust you one last time. Please don't take advantage again." I heard his footsteps getting further and further away and then opened my room door to put on my shoes.

The shared flat I lived in was right next to a park, so it didn't take me long to be able to sit down in nature, if you could say that. So I opened the door leading out of our flat and quickly went to the park where I could finally calm down. Once there, I took a deep breath and relaxed right away. I looked around and spotted a couple of squirrels fighting over some hazelnuts. I had to grin. My friends had always told me I looked like one when I ate and I had to admit it was true. I immediately thought of my friend Hyunjin, who was one of my best friends. He always has some good advice. Maybe he still had time so that I could think of other and, above all, better thoughts today.

To my disappointment, however, he hadn't felt like it today, but I could understand. When I was still working, I never felt like doing anything with anyone, because I had to study and everything besides work. But unfortunately I was fired a few weeks ago. I don't know exactly why! But somehow I was also pleased. I mean, they always gave me late wages or no wages at all. I sighed. It was all so damn unfair, but I also wondered how Hyunjin could afford a flat in downtown Seoul. He wasn't wealthy and neither was his family now. Where the hell did he get so much money? No matter what he does, I want to do it too. It can't be that bad if Hyunjin does it. I continued to look around the park when I spotted Changbin from afar and immediately ran to him "Hyung!" I called after him, smiling as he turned and ran towards me, waving "Hey Ji, long time no see." Shortly after he said that, he gave me a hug. It had gotten weird between us.

Hyunjin said Changbin had the hots for me, but I don't think so. Why would he? We had been friends since I came to the university.

I smiled at him "That's right, what have you been up to? How's your mum?", I then asked him. I liked his mum a lot. She had been a nice young woman and I had always felt comfortable with her. "I've learned a lot. My mum is doing well so far. She misses you and asks about you every day..." He grinned. "Sometimes I think that woman would rather have you as a son than me." I had to laugh and hugged his arm before we walked further into the park. Soon we stopped. "Binnie I missed this." I looked him in the eye "Me too Jisung. Me too." He pulled me close to him and put his hands on the back of my neck as he got closer and closer to me. What was he doing? Was he going to kiss me? No he couldn't. We were just friends and friends didn't kiss! I took a step back, "Changbin, we can't do this. I have no feelings for you other than friendly feelings. I-I'm sorry." I looked down at the floor. I felt ashamed for not having feelings for him. He was incredibly nice. He was exactly what I imagined a dream man to be. However, I just didn't have feelings for him, which is why this felt very wrong "I understand that Jisung. I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry. My feelings just got the best of me." I nodded "It's fine" How could I have been mad at him? We walked around the park for a few more hours before I was already heading home "Bye Binnie Hyung, see you soon." I gave him another wave and then entered the stairwell where I then entered my shared flat and lay down in my bed. What was I going to do? I looked at my wall where photos of Hyunjin, Seungmin, Changbin and me were hanging.

I miss the time when I didn't have to think about how I was going to survive each month. When I still went to school and my mother still made me dinner. Those had been good times and now everything was different. I could barely pay my rent, didn't have enough money to have enough food every month and my grades were also in the basement because I just didn't have time to study. I sighed and put on my pyjamas. With my pyjamas on, I lay back in my bed and closed my eyes, hoping I could finally fall asleep, but that wasn't the case. I thought for at least another hour and then finally fell asleep.
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