Letter 17

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Love,

How do I know when I am ready to love somebody else? I didn't even really know that I had to love myself before I knew. I suppose it's not really something you can plan for. Somebody just walks into your life one day and that's it? That's your person? Committing to a stranger who, after a while, isn't even a stranger anymore? All seems kinda crazy if you ask me. I know my parents met at a party and then one thing led to another and they were married with kids, now divorced and remarried with other kids. Did they go down the path of self love before they committed to each other? Is that why they didn't really work out? Or are some people simply not meant to be no matter how hard they try? Is all of this going to be for nothing? All of this work for the past almost 8 months for nothing? I guess I shouldn't be trying to love and heal myself with the intention of being with somebody else because after all I would be okay without a partner. But also, why wouldn't that be a good reason? Spending time falling in love with yourself and getting to know yourself so you don't hurt somebody else in the future sounds like a good reason, all things considered. Healing now to raise a family later, to have a healthy relationship later, to model what it means to be healthy for your children so that kindness may be spread throughout the world for generations to come. Seems like a pretty okay reason to me. I know a lot of people don't have those goals so maybe their only drive would be to better themselves and there's nothing wrong with that. Not every action requires world impact in order to be valid. There is no better reason to fall in love with yourself other than the fact that it is the healthiest thing to do for your own life, in my opinion at least.

I think the root of hatred within the world comes from the internalized hatred of others who project that hate onto innocent bystanders because they don't have any other way of dealing with it. Not necessarily saying that it's excusable, just that more often than not there is a reason behind everything. People are just too scared to confront themselves about it. That's my take for the day.

-P ♡

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