Letters to Love

Letter 23

Love,

I think I love her. We have spent countless hours talking, spending time with each other every single moment we can get our selfish hands on. If we aren't together we are talking about the next time we can be. The next date, the next kiss, the next hug, the next moment of pure bliss is always in anticipation. More often than not I find myself daydreaming about our first date, kiss, the first time she held my hand, the first time I stayed at her place and the first time she stayed at mine. Everything feels like it's happening all at once. There was no gradual build up or waiver of uncertainty. One day she was just mine. I haven't even asked her to be my girlfriend yet because I feel like it's still too soon but wow do I love her. I didn't even know this feeling could happen so fast. I'm kinda, not kinda, I am very scared, beyond scared, I am absolutely heart wrenchingly terrified. None of this feels like it should be happening. I feel like I should be focusing on more important things, on school, work even, on trying to build my life up and be successful. I feel like this is just getting in the way of my life. I know that there is the possibility that she becomes a part of my life and we start building together but I don't know if she's the right person. I don't think she's the wrong person but how do I know if she's right? We've only known each other for two months so I almost feel like it's irrational to think that I have found 'the one'. I mean what does that even really mean? I can't expect to know somebody fully after only a couple months. Maybe I'm just scared. I wish Peach was here to talk to. I miss her more than ever right now. I know I'll figure it out and eventually everything will be okay but I am still stuck in the thought that I might be wasting my time. But then again maybe time well spent is not time wasted. I have had a good time with her and I think if I can say that if this endeavor comes to an end then it will have been successful in some way, shape, or form. I think the way I get out of destructive thinking is to not think about the bleak ending that might occur. Enjoy it while it lasts as they say, and I shall.

-P ♡