Letters to Love

Letter 29

Love,

We went to dinner, we talked about everything and what we would need to work on. We agreed about needing to improve communication, we've had a good bit of misunderstandings over the past month that could have been avoided had we just talked a little bit more. We have the same wants from a relationship and similar goals for our futures and we're going to do it. I know it's not as simple as just 'doing it' but relationships are a commitment and we're both committed to making it work. I know it's going to get harder and we're both going to start questioning at some point, we'll get there when we get there and work through it. I am so happy that I went on this journey for myself. Never did I think that in doing so I would be led to this woman who I now love with my entire being. This journey was supposed to be about me and finding who I am and learning to love myself for who I am. I guess the best things come when you're not even looking. Now what? I mean she has to meet my family and I have to meet hers. Do our families have to meet each other?? I think the answer is yes but I'm not sure I want that to happen for a VERY long time. The only other time I've been in a relationship was for like a month in high school and his family came to my birthday dinner so they met my parents then but that's all it was. Then we broke up a couple weeks later and that was the last thought I had of him. I'm not even sure that I liked him, I just wanted a boyfriend I think.

This is all new to me, I am so scared that I'm going to be bad at it and Saige is going to see parts of me in a different light for the first time. I'm scared that she is going to see me in a way that she never anticipated and that she will realize I was never the person she wanted to be with. I'm also scared of the same things with her. How do I know she isn't going to just change, and one day I'll find myself in the exact situation I've been trying so hard to avoid. I know if we keep communication open and honest it will solve a lot of problems but I'll never know if she's being truly honest. I guess I don't really trust her yet in that aspect. I trust that I can tell her things in confidence and she won't tell anybody else, I trust that in some capacity she does love me although she hasn't said it yet in words. I don't know how to build trust about loyalty. I don't know how to build trust in that she won't cheat on me, that she won't just up and leave one day without saying anything other than she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I don't know what to do, this is new territory all together and I have no clue where I'm supposed to go from here. I can only hope that she will understand that I am doing my best and that that will be enough for her.

-P ♡