Unhinged

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The ringing sound in my ears brings me back to life. I have no idea how I landed down here, on the ground, but it's clear that someone shoved me. I try to move my body so I can canvas for my family, but I'm paralysed. It seems like something heavy is laying on top of my body. Internally I'm screaming for someone to help me and remove whatever object is on top of me, but my voice is refusing to come out. My tears threaten to come out, but I reel them in as I can't afford to break down now. I need to find my family and my husband. I don't know what just happened but the amount of bullets that hailed through this yard were too many and I'm petrified to face whatever damage they may have left behind. I run my eyes around my surroundings, and I spot a few of my uncles and a few of the village women who were here, running up and down, screaming I think, though their voices are not that audible because of the ringing sound that's overpowering everything else. "Bhabha," I hear Siya's voice echo from somewhere in the chaos. (Baby) His face comes into my view and the tears that were held back a few seconds ago flow like the Nile River. He gets up from beside or on top of me and stands beside me, hovering over me as I lay on the dusty ground. He stretches out his hand for me to take and pulls me towards him and as I stand, I begin to feel the blood flow through my veins. Relieved that he's alive, I limp towards him, and wrap my arms around him tightly and lay my head on his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. He returns the gesture and tightens his hold around me while walking me towards somewhere, "Are you okay?" he whispers in my ear as we continue to walk wherever he's leading us to. Unable to utter a single word, I simply bob my head against his chest, though I can't be absolutely certain that I'm okay. "The babies?" he asks. Oh shit, the babies. My babies. I even forgot about them. I quickly loosen one of my hands, panicking and place it on my belly and try to feel for any source of life. I haven't felt any form of movement since I fell pregnant, but I can only hope that they are doing okay. "Don't worry sthandwa sam, I'm sure they are okay," he says, unconvincing. (My love) Oh Lord please, please, please, please, don't make me lose my babies. I wouldn't be able to survive losing either of them. The thought of losing one or even both of my babies causes me to sob even more. Siya tries to comfort me the best way he knows how but because of our movement and what's going on around us, he can't fully give me his undivided attention. "Ungakhathazeki sthandwa sam, ndizokusa kwagqirha akucheck-e, vah?" he says. (Don't worry my love, I'll take you to the doctor for a check-up, okay)

I trip on something, but he catches me and holds me in place, breaking my fall. As I'm about to lift my head from his neck he places his one hand firmly against my back, "Baby, I need you to not open your eyes, okay?" His voice is rather shaky as he says this. My eldest uncles voice, whom despite our differences, I'm glad to know that he's alive, booms from behind us, "Mngenise endlini mkhenyana, akanobalapha." (Get her inside the house, my son in-law, she can't be here) I feel him bobbing his head on top of mine as it lays on his chest, but my curiosity gets the best of me. "Kutheni umalume engandifuni apha Siyabulela? Kutheni?" I scream while trying to wiggle my way out of his hold. (Why doesn't my uncle want me here) Obviously, this man is stronger than me, and he holds me in place. "Ndiyeke! Ndiyeke Siya! Ndifuna ubona umama!" I say while kicking and screaming at him. (Leave me alone! Leave me alone! I want to see my mother) He tries by all means to keep me in place as I thrash his chest with my tiny fist. "Themba lam ndiyakucela, ndiyakucela sthandwa sam, ndicela singene endlini," he pleads with me in a cracking voice while dragging me in what I presume is the house. (My hope please, please my love, please can we get it the house) Kanti what's going on out here? (Wait) What is he seeing? The stubborn me decides to kick him in his nuts as I know the shooting pain from his scrotum will make him release me. And on que, he loosens his hold on me so quickly, as though I've burnt him and cries out in pain, "Fuck!" The weak and wailing me finds the strength to run away from him, not even sure of the direction I'm in as my eyes try to adjust to the light of the sun while also trying to get rid of the daziness caused by the swift movement. Three steps into my sprint attempt, I trip on something and fall, bum first on the ground. "Nomzamo!" Siya yells at me from behind with his heavy footsteps stomping nearer and nearer to where I am. I snap my head backwards to see him marching towards me with an angered expression on his face before he yells, "Uzama ukwenza ntoni?" (What're you trying to do) I turn my head away from him, cowering away, but my movement comes to a halt when my eyes land on the body that's beside me. It's Inga. He's lying face down on the dirt with his back towards me. I incline my body towards him, kneeling, ignoring the burning sensation of the rocks grating on my skin. "Inga? Inga?" I call out to him while shaking his body. He provides me with no response, but my persistent self doesn't give up. I continue to shake his body as I try to wake him up but nothing. My hands, in their own accord, run through his entire body, patting everywhere, as they try to determine why he's not responding to me. After one aggressive shake, his body flips over before my hand comes back with something moist from his chest: blood. "Somebody call an ambulance!" I scream. I flip his body towards me and my eyes land on his stoic and bloodied face. His eyes are wide open while blood oozes from the corner of his mouth. "Ah!" I scream. "Inga? Inga? No! No! No! Don't do this to me! Inga?" I scream, while shaking him vigorously. Siya's scent hits my nostrils before I can even feel his hands on my shoulders, "Baby come on, let's go," he pleads with me while trying to pull me away from my brother's lifeless body. I shake my head in 'no' in reproval as I cradle my brother's now cold body. "Inga? Inga? Please fano, wake up," I plead with him, hoping that he can hear me. (Boy) The reaction I got the first time I called out for him, is the exact same reaction that I get now, nothing. "Please, please, please," I whisper against his ear while planting kisses on his cold and dusty cheeks. Nothing. I break down and wail even harder than before. How can a day that was meant to be so beautiful and perfect turn so horrifically? My chest tightens as my breathing shortens, which causes me to be a little bit disorientated. "Zamo please, please sthandwa sam, breath," Siya begs, as he crouches in front of me. (My love) He places his hands on top of my arms that are wrapped around my brother's body and starts taking deep and calculated breaths while watching me, "Breath with me MaDlamini. In... Out. Again. In... Out," he says. I follow his lead and do as he says though the tears are still flowing from my eyes. He gently moves his hands to mine and slowly peels them away from my brother. I reluctantly let go with my heart breaking, literally with every finger that is no longer touching him. "Come, let's go," he says, groaning as he stands up to help me get up. Instead of standing up, I fall back down, bum flat, and sob with my head hung low next to my brother's body too weak and heartache broken to move. Siya crouches in front of me and scoops me up. As I'm about to rest my head on his chest I spot one of his uncles laying by the tree still; his shirt is dotted in bullet holes and drenched in blood. I clasp my hand around my mouth to prevent the scream that's threatening to come out of my mouth. No! I look up to my husband and I'm met with bloodshot eyes that have lingering tears threatening to fall. His emotions and facial expression is all the confirmation I need to know that he's his uncle. What have we done to deserve such misery though? I place my forehead against his, closing my eyes as though to let him know just how sorry I am. This is my fault after all. Those bullets weren't intended for him or his family, they were intended for me. I mean no one knows him around here besides my family so there's no way that those bullets were targeted at him. As I'm about to rest my head on his chest, Anga passes us, limping with blankets in his hands. He passes us so quickly that I don't even get a chance to analyse the rest of his physique, like where he's hurt and how badly.