Unhinged

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

I groan and pat my hands on the space that's next to me. It's empty. I lazily flutter my eyes open and flinch when the illuminating rays of the sun sneak their way through our bedroom curtains. Where is Siya, I wonder. I wander my eyes around the room in hopes of spotting any of his personal items, like his phone, wallet or car keys, which may tell me that he's somewhere around the house but none of them are here. Maybe he stepped out for a minute. I drag my body to face the other side of our bed so I can reach my phone to see if I have any messages and I see a few from Anga, Siwe and my mom. I decide to open my mom's message; the rest I will get back to later. After responding to my mother's message, which by the way, was her informing me that Siwe has moved in with her since she didn't want her to stay alone after aunt Rose's burial. They buried her a week after Inga's funeral, but I unfortunately couldn't go since I was ordered to rest and not surround myself with 'stressful situations'. I have spoken to Siwe multiple times to express my remorse for not being able to be there for her during her time of need and on all occasions, she's assured me that she understood and held no grudge but that still didn't make me feel any less guilty. I'm yet to find a way to deal with my guilt. I place my cellphone on the bedside table and lift my body up from the bed using both my hands. Gosh, I'm heavy. I swing my feet over the bed and place them on the floor before waddling my way to the bathroom. I feel some discomfort between my legs as I walk but I decide to ignore it. It could be these kids pressing on my bladder. I take a moment to relieve myself before washing my hands so I can brush my teeth. I heighten my hearing to listen for any sounds that may come from the house, where Siya may be but nothing. Silence. Yaz'ba uphi. (I wonder where he is) Last night he didn't sleep that well. He kept tossing and turning and if he wasn't doing that, he was mumbling things in his sleep. I know that wherever he is, he's sleep deprived and so am I, if I'm being quite honest, but I can't seem to sleep past seven, unless it's a weekend. I guess it's because I'm used to waking up for work. Sigh. Work, neh? (Right) I still haven't figured out uba ndizokwenza njani ngento yomsebenzi but I know that I have to figure something out. (What I'm going to do with the work thing) I can't depend on this man forever. It doesn't help that Siya and I haven't discussed what will happen after I give birth. Yes, I will stay at home for the first four months and nurse the babies but after that, I intend on going back to work, but I'm worried if Siya will agree. I don't see him agreeing to us hiring a nanny or sending them to day-care or whatever so we're going to have to discuss a way forward in advance and knowing the man that I married, I already know that sizoxabana. (We're going to argue)

After doing my hygiene routine, I make our bed and tidy up the rest of the bedroom. I pick up some of our clothes from the couch and place them in the laundry basket. I need to do our laundry. It's been a minute since I've seen this basket empty. I decide to take the basket with me to the kitchen and get started with the laundry. I know it will dry by noon as the sun is scorching hot outside and hopefully, if Siya's not in the house, I'll be able to pack the clothes back in their rightful places before he gets back otherwise... I'm a dead woman walking. I walk through the rest of the house with the basket placed firmly against my hip still in search of this man. To my dismay, I find that he's really not at home. I ask myself again, where did he disappear to? I place the first load of laundry inside the machine and get busy with breakfast while it washes. Today I feel like something simple, soft porridge. I think I miss my mom. Sigh. As I'm stirring the porridge on the stove, my mind wanders off to when this house was cleaned. Like thoroughly cleaning not the wishy-washy cleaning that Siya has been doing, but proper deep clean. If my memory serves me right, it was just before Jongi and tata's arrival and that was weeks ago. No, something needs to be done. I quickly place the lid on the pot and duck walk towards the lounge in search of the business card of the cleaning company that Siya called that day when otata were coming. (Dad) I sift through the entire room, sweating profusely, and I find it stashed underneath one of the ornaments on top of the coffee table, just as I'm about to give up, Whew! I walk back to the kitchen to take my phone and dial the number provided on the card. "Feathers Cleaning Services Mandy speaking, how may I help you?" A beautiful voice says, answering the phone. This lady definitely went to private school. Her English is top tier.