Wishing On Dead Stars (BL)

Chapter 8

Gunther

After hearing all those things from Tyler when I came to Brix' unit, sinubukan kong huwag sumagot sa mga beep niya. Kapag tumatawag siya sa telephone sa bahay, I'll ask Kuya Aki to answer it for me. I shouldn't be avoiding him like this but no matter how I tried, it hurts to see him.

Kapag nadidinig ko ang boses niya masakit sa akin. There's a point that even breathing sucks because it feels like it is shattering me. I just need time.

"Gunther?"

Nagkita kami ni Brix sa bookstore sa SM Megamall. Pinuntahan ko kasi si kuya sa office kaya naisipan ko na lang din dumaan sa bookstore bago umuwi. He noticed that I am sick. Ilang araw na akong matamlay at pagod. It must be Aplastic Anemia, like before.

"You okay?" sinamahan niya ako tumingin ng libro. Napansin ko din ang pagiging tahimik niya kaya tinanong ko kung masama ang pakiramdam niya. He said he is not in good terms with Tyler. At least, on his side. Pakiramdam niya raw kasi, he is the least favorite friend and Tyler doesn't trust him enough. There are things that Tyler could only tell Orson and not him. Brix, even though he looks carefree, is the most thoughtful of them. He has this trouble of fitting in before he came to After Apollo that is why I relate to him.

He got rid of his glasses before because he wants to be as cool as the Apollos and he resorted to using eye contacts even though it annoys him.

"Pero ikaw ang pinakapogi sa mga Apollo," I said. Biglang lumiwanag ang mukha niya at natawa. He got that a lot, he said. Siya ang mga tipo ni Jane. Although he and his mixed western-asian features could pass as the most handsome Apollo, I have given my heart to the other. Matagal kaming nakapag-usap. He sensed the weariness in my voice. Nahulaan niya agad na malungkot ako kaya dinala niya ako sa Quad. I bought him glasses and I told him to always wear it from now on. He and I promised that we will be true to ourselves. I'll do the same and I won't be sorry for being me. I'll try not to fit into places I am not welcome.

"Mas pogi ka kapag naka-glasses."

"Mag ga-glasses ako dahil sinabi mong mas pogi ako kapag naka-glasses."

I enjoyed Brix' company. He even taught me how to play Tekken. He shopped clothes for me even though there is no need for it. He insisted.

I forgot about Tyler even a for minute and I am thankful. But like the universe is playing games on me, I saw Tyler on the arcade. Brix introduced me to Ate Moira, Tyler's sister. Ate Moira is pleasing. Nakikita ko ang sarili kong mas makakasundo siya.

Akala ko, kaya ko nang tiisin si Tyler at magpanggap na lang na ayos ang lahat. Pero nang makita ko siya, nang makita ko yung mga mata niya, I know he is tired over something and I put my defenses down.

Pumunta ako ng Tagaytay para i-let go si Tyler. It will be the last time I'll let myself feel this thing although it isn't easy at all. It is hard pretending that I am fine, it is hard pretending that I could just forget everything, but the hardest is to pretend that I could ever get over my feelings for Tyler.

I can't. I still can't.

I still love him.

"You okay?" ilang ulit na akong tinatanong ni Brix kung ayos ako. He has a habit of assuring things that's why I smiled. He can understand me, and I can understand him. I stood close to him at the villa but I declined when he said I should stay with him at his room that has no AC.

"But I want AC," he rolled his eyes at me and I laughed. Nawala lang ang tawa ko nang makita kong magkasama si Tyler at Alrissa. They are talking about something which I obviously couldn't hear as they are sitting far from us. All I could say is that they suit each other. Alrissa is into music, Tyler's life is music. Si Alrissa ang kayang tumabi kay Tyler at mag-aagree lahat na bagay sila. Nasasakatan akong makita siya. Gusto ko na lang mawala 'tong sakit sa puso ko para di ko na rin mapahirapan si Tyler sa kaiisip kung may mali ba sa aming dalawa.