I Hate You ~ Louis Tomlinson

CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST

Harry comes back and the rest of the dinner is spent with so much laughter. She did miss this, she missed him. 

It's weird for her to miss someone, she had people walking in and out of her life for as long as she can remember. She also has family that lives far away, so in a way she was just used to missing people. 

So used to it, it stopped bothering her. It would just hurt too much if she kept missing people. Sometimes for her she doesn't notice the feeling until someone points it out, which sounds strange, but it's true for her. 

She's just lucky Harry was nice enough to point it out and not lash out at her. He very well could have, and it would have been fair. Harry is too kind, and she took advantage of it. Not on purpose, of course but it happened all the same. 

They make their way back to the house and she can feel Louis' eyes on her, but Harry doesn't notice which she is thankful for. 

They go into Harry's room with the intention of watching a movie, but they talk so much, there's no reason to turn it on. 

They end up deciding to play a card game, Crazy 8's to keep it simple. 

"It's cute that Louis came to make sure we were okay." Harry says suddenly. 

"What? How did you? What? I didn't ask him to-" she almost starts rambling but Harry cuts her off. 

"I know you didn't. I saw him and our security guards well before you noticed." He says with a cheeky grin. "I'm happy you have him."

"You are?" She says genuinely surprised, Harry hasn't really outright said it, but he's never seemed to be the biggest fan of their relationship. 

"Yeah I am. You deserve someone who treats you well and wants to protect you."

"But you didn't want me to be with him," she says questioningly.  

"I was being selfish."

"Harry," she says sitting up and looking at him. "You weren't selfish."

"I was and it's okay. I need to say this okay?" Harry pleads. 

She nods and lets him continue. 

"I wanted you all to myself, that's selfish. But that's not the only reason, I didn't think he would treat you the way he is now." Harry shakes his head. "I guess I didn't see it, mostly because I didn't want to. I could have if I wasn't being so stubborn." 

He pauses, "It wasn't fair of me, I wasn't a very good friend to you and as much as I just said you pulled back, I could see why you would. Why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn't support your relationship?"

"Harry I never wanted to stop being friends with you."

"I know, that's not what I meant." He says pushing a hand through his hair. "I just mean that I'm sorry, I wish I had been there for you is all. That I had been happy." Harry laments. 

"We can't change the past, but make changes for the future?" She offers hesitantly. 

"Yeah, I want to be a better friend."

"Harry you're the best friend I've ever had. Please, please don't be hard on yourself. Okay? Or at least try not to be?"

"Okay, I'll try." He says with a smile and pulls her into a hug. "So, tell me about him." He says when he pulls away. 

"Oh, come on. You don't want to hear about him."

"I do if you want to talk about him," he offers. 

"That's okay I talk to Louis about him."

"You talk to Louis, about himself?" He asks confused. 

"Yeah, I didn't really have anyone else to talk to after our dates and we stay in the same room every night. I know it's weird, but I don't know."

"That's not weird, that's literally the cutest thing I've ever heard." Harry coos. 

"Yeah?"

"That's so cute," Harry squeals and she giggles. 

"Well I like talking about him and he likes hearing good things about himself," she says with a huge smile on her face and Harry laughs. "But I don't want to talk about him today."

"Another time?" He asks. 

"Love to." She smiles at him and then they go back to the game. "Hey Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"What's it like being on tour?" She asks.

"Why do you ask?" He asks, his brows furrowing.

"I'm sorry if its a weird question," she says and he cuts her off. 

"No, no, no. Not at all! That just came out of nowhere."

"Oh, well I mean they might offer me a job to go on tour with you guys, ya know for promotional stuff and I don't know, now that I'm with Louis I guess I kinda want to learn more about it."

"So you think he would want you to come?" Harry asks.

"I don't know, we haven't really talked about it."

"Hm, well I guess it would be different as far as for a crew member and for one of us, but it's kind of like the best and the worst."

"Hm, thanks. That clears it up," she jokes. 

"Funny," he replies and sticks his tongue out. "I mean it's great seeing so many fans and places and traveling can be so fun. But then also you're stuck on a bus for weeks on end which isn't always great and I always miss cooking and sleeping without like 9 other people basically in the same room. And showers, I always miss a real shower."

"Yeah, that makes sense." She nods. 

"It's so worth it though. That feeling of being on stage, I didn't think I'd like it as much as I do."

"Yeah, I can't imagine, but I'm sure it's amazing."

"We can bring you up on stage as our special guest," he jokes. Or maybe he's serious, she can't tell. 

"Thank you very much for the offer but I'd rather crawl in a hole," she says casually with a shrug.

"Crawl in a hole?" He asks laughing.

She smiles at him. "Yeah, definitely."