FROM THE NORM TO THE MARGIN

Preserve the link.

If there's one thing I don't do naturally it's keep in touch. I think about the people I love and if they are happy that's enough for me. When I love someone they are in my heart, they are by my side wherever I am.

Calling, inviting, writing is not an instinctive thing for me. I can go for weeks or months without hearing from people around me. I think about them all the time and if there is a problem I will be informed. So it's fine with me to do it this way, especially since I always feel a bit down after hearing the voices of my loved ones. Goodbyes are always too difficult. If I can avoid them, that's fine with me.But I know how important it is to take care of the bond between us. My children, once again, help me to do this.

Since my son left home at nineteen, he has called me regularly, regardless of the time difference or his job. Yes, sometimes he doesn't really answer the call he makes, but he keeps up this ritual and I am very happy about it. Hugging him when we see each other makes my heart swell. Saying goodbye to him makes me sad every time. It's been over three years and I can't get used to it.When my second daughter takes us to the airport after we've stayed there for a week, it's heartbreaking. We know that we won't see each other again for a year. Before we take off I think of her on the road, probably in tears, feeling alone in the world. Luckily she shares her life with a good guy. Too hard to live with.

My sister organised a weekend at her house so that we could share a moment with the people I love (and who I hope love me) before leaving. Two days of discussions, walks, board games, songs around a campfire, meals outside. My daughter, who was reluctant to come, decided to go with her boyfriend, who is very family oriented. I am lucky to have such a family. It's very hard to leave them.

My fourth sends me daily messages and calls me even more often than when we were in France. She's having a baby soon and I won't be there to hold him and welcome him with hugs. I hope I won't be a stranger to this little treasure that I already love.As far as my last one is concerned, she is a real driving force in preserving these precious links. She always initiates invitations to the house. The last one was in the spring. She organised a brunch, both in terms of the people she invited and the food and decoration. I gave her carte blanche and stepped into the role of the perfect assistant. She is mature for her age and doesn't have both feet in the same shoe. What's more, she really knows how to entertain. Her goal in life is to make the people around her happy by sharing. I look at the families on the beach and think back with nostalgia to all those moments.

I'm sure my mother would say I'm unstable but that's not how I feel. I don't want to leave because I'm tired of what I'm going through. I want to hit the road with everything beautiful in my life. It keeps me warm on the way. And I just want to accumulate more beautiful things to share so that I can live moments even more fully. I want to learn every day, to move forward after all these years of confinement.

Why would I be weird for wanting that?