FROM THE NORM TO THE MARGIN

Learning from differences.

According to where we are, we don't see things in the same way, from the same angle, and that changes everything.

In France I am not among the smallest but like my students, most people are taller than me. In the crowd at the Lille 3000 parade before the summer I had trouble seeing what was going on at ground level. Fortunately there were huge kites. I was even able to catch the cotton candy projected by a kind of cannon. Delicious.Still at Starbuck's, I look around at the people around me. Here I am rather in the upper middle of the Indonesians that I exceed by a head, even without my heels. Of course, this is no longer the case in the presence of Russians, English, Chinese or Koreans. But I still like to have this overview. It's nice to have the feeling of being in control? You must love it, you big guys from all over the world.

It amuses me to see the differences in the rules of life in society. My daughter and I have fun recognising the origin of the people we meet. Chivalry among the locals is at zero level; don't expect to be put first or to hold the door for you ladies. When they are together, people talk easily even without knowing each other and they talk loudly. Their questions seemed intrusive when we arrived. I was asked if I was there with my husband like that at first. But that's just a way of starting a conversation.

When we were asked where we were from and we answered from France, we felt slightly uncomfortable. We quickly understood why. French people are smug, loud and ungraceful, rarely smile and are not very polite. My daughter and I have decided to reverse this trend and so far it seems to be working with the people we meet.

My daughter talks to her bike drivers who never leave her in the wilderness without making sure she is in the right place. The same goes for the guards at her high school who already know her name and keep her company when she's waiting for her Goride to come home after school.

As for me, with the maid of the villa we rent, we share our family lives and some worries. When I go to the beach, I always go to the same restaurant which is good, well placed and where I feel comfortable. Last time we went, they offered us panna cotta for dessert, which by the way was delicious. At Starbuck's, I don't have to give my first name when I order, the waitresses call me Sue and ask me how I am today. It's strange how surprised people seem when I ask them how they are. And then there are the little shops near us; when we pass by, we always say hello even if we don't buy anything from them. The people here are friendly, even though we are aware that we are just passing through their lives as they are ours. But it's still nice.

Last night we walked along the beach for over an hour, squirting at each other (my daughter started it...) and running after each other (I wasn't going to let her). Then we arrived further than usual on the big beach of Petitenget. It must be a place for the locals as we felt watched, my daughter was hit on by a kid two three years younger than her (better than those old perverts in France who think they are irresistible). There were carts selling gadgets, food, drinks. We didn't dare to take anything because our stomachs are not necessarily strong enough.

We are beginning to appreciate all these new things, all these differences. I'm glad that my sixteen-year-old daughter can step back from her certainties before she's my age. I want her to have the life she chooses for herself without the straitjacket imposed by society, but having seen all the possibilities open to her.