FROM THE NORM TO THE MARGIN

I still want more of these!

Today I am tired and I have no idea how to write a chapter. For the last three days, well three evenings, we have been lucky enough to be able to spend the end of the day with my son who has returned for a few days.

This is the first time since we arrived and I'm not sure it will happen again for a while. We have to enjoy it. That's why we spent our evenings together talking and eating. But it also means an unusually late night since we moved in. For me, who has taken to going to bed at around twenty-two, twenty-three, after falling asleep to a series at one o'clock, it stings a bit. And I'm not telling you about my daughter who has to sit in class all day. 

I think back to the time when we lived near my second daughter's house and whenever one of us needed help, we were there. We would change our plans and our routine to get together despite the fatigue we knew was inevitable the next day. It's the same thing now; we've been living a cushy two-girl life for months. My boy's surprise visit has turned our routine upside down, resulting in a major bout of fatigue during the day. But we wouldn't want to miss these precious moments shared with love in the company of the most important people in our lives. With my son, we are always discovering new places, people and ideas outside our daily lives.

In my life, the best moments have often been the most exhausting. The ones that required an effort of adaptation, a disorganisation of my initial routines or plans.

When my first nephew was born, we hit the road within hours of hearing the news, travelling all over France to see the wonder. For the birth of my second, I took the train with my oldest under my arm to make the same journey. She was only nine months old. All the last-minute trips to my children's homes to comfort, help, move or simply to see each other because we miss each other, and so on. The unexpected trips to live with my family. I think I owe all these moments to my parents who have never hesitated to change their schedule to be there when someone needs them. 

I am happy to share this heritage with my close family. What could be better than laughing while eating leftovers from the cupboard or fridge, while playing a board game. Isn't it nice to gobble popcorn in front of a film that we keep commenting on (to the exasperation of some), imagining who is the murderer (I'm not bad at that), who is going to fall in love with whom (well, I usually know that from the start and that's not the point of the story). All those discussions, all those tears, all those laughs, all that love given simply, so easily. I keep it all in my heart. It keeps me warm when I sit down.

I hope to experience many more. I know that the distance makes the opportunities rarer. But I can also see that in the reunion there are also moments when we get annoyed, when we choke each other. If I have the opportunity to keep only the positive, I vote for it. I want to bet on the fact that if we meet less often we will only experience the good times.

I hope that when we do get together the connection will be as smooth as it was for me with my son after almost two years without a hug. Too long for a mother! My older children must think, as I do, that a year's absence is already too long for a mother! 

But also too long for a granny, too long for a daughter, a sister, an aunt!