FROM THE NORM TO THE MARGIN

Bloodletting

Getting respect as a single, foreign, older woman is a challenge I face regularly and it takes its toll on me.When I'm in France and I'm dealing with a heating engineer, or a person from my internet provider and the individual in front of me gives the impression that he's doing a job of the highest importance, it annoys me. I usually ask questions to understand what is being done and why I have to pay what always seems to be too much.

As soon as the repairer or installer answers me with complicated words and a condescending tone I tell myself that he is an incompetent person who is ripping me off. This motivates me to insist and ask for explanations until he is able to tell me exactly what he has done. If he gets angry I go into a mode of "Hey man, I'm paying, so if you don't know anything about it go home to your mother but don't try to force it on me. Only weak and incompetent people act like that. If you think I'm an asshole it won't work.

My fourth daughter regularly has problems with her box and as luck would have it, the repairman, who came at the beginning and gave her his number in case of need, has had to come back regularly for the last three months to carry out a manipulation outside... He is very heavy-handed with unequivocal messages. My daughter has to hide in a room in her house when he comes and let her flatmate deal with it because he doesn't want to hear when she tells him she's not interested at all.

So guys, you need to understand that if someone tells you they're not interested, it's dead for you. Besides, you were not born with troubleshooting neurons that give you skills that are inaccessible to us. We can understand very well if you can explain what you are doing. If you don't know exactly how something works, don't pretend you do. We are not completely stupid. You're not fooling anyone even if we pretend we don't realise it out of pity.

With the house I'm renting now, the rent includes the cleaning lady and the guys for the pool and the little piece of garden. With the maid everything is fine, we exchange, we respect each other, we check on each other. I quickly gave her a spare key even though I am usually at home when she comes. If she's ill, no worries, I don't tell the owner and she stays at home and gets paid. But with the outside guys from the start I thought they were playing the fool who doesn't understand what I'm asking them to do so they can do what they want. They come three times a week and as I don't trust them I didn't give them the keys. I asked through an Indo friend if they could only come twice a week. They said they couldn't, otherwise the water would turn too quickly. They came in the morning, which was fine with me because I could move around afterwards. As time went on, they started to come at any time of the day; 8.30am or 3pm. I asked them to come before noon because I might have to go out in the afternoon. I explained this to them in English. They nodded but did not change their habits. Worse, twice in a row they didn't come without warning. I told the maid and she called them and they were there in a flash. I told them in Indo this time, to come before noon. They did that for a fortnight and then they did it again. It makes me angry because it's clearly a bunch of bullshit (I'm sorry when I'm upset I get vulgar). They play the simpleton who doesn't understand what I'm telling them but we all know it's a load of crap. And today nobody. Fortunately I got their mobile number and at about 4pm I send a message saying that I still haven't seen them. They reply that they are ill. Okay, but the least I can do is to warn them. That's basically what I said, even though I added that they should take care of themselves. I want to find a solution so that I don't get stepped on any more, especially when I'm paying for a service. I want to remain benevolent but not stupid. I don't want to be taken advantage of by lazy fat people who don't care about me and think I'm an ATM. 

Get off your fat asses if you want to earn money. I'm sick of working my ass off and having to defend my steak to get what I'm entitled to.