The White Phoenix

Chapter 40 - Deja Vu

((Sensitive content in chapter; Enjoy))
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It's been a long time since Wei Ying has had any nightmares. Since the ambush that took place a couple years ago, him being shot with an arrow, and him accidentally hurting Lan Wangji, his bad dreams have become a normal occurrence again. Each one ending with something terrible happened to either himself or Lan Wangji, and he hated it. It was the middle of the night when Wei Ying woke up from one.

It was horrible. Dreaming of the day of the ambush, him using his fire to kill those who broke into his home. During the process, he burned the entirety of Cloud Recesses and killed everyone inside. The last body he came across was Lan Wangji's and he was covered in burn marks, stab wounds, and an arrow to the heart. Wei Ying couldn't bare to see it, so he took his own life in the end, causing him to wake.

Wei Ying quietly got out of bed and went outside for some fresh air. He collapsed to the ground once he reached the open field of the training grounds. Wei Ying wrapped his arms around himself and silently cried. He wanted to talk to Wangji about what is going on with him, but lately, there has been tension between Wangji and Lan Xichen, and it has been effecting Wei Ying's wellbeing.

Wangji has been wanting information on who was in charge of the ambush that they have been investigating since it happened. Nothing has turned up and Wangji is wondering if his brother was even looking into it if he had zero information on it. Lan Wangji told Xichen that the Qishan Wen Sect have always been an arrogant sect, but for them to randomly target Cloud Recesses and no other sect, it was a huge concern. There were also rumors that Jiang Wanyin was involved with it as he wants vengeance for his family.

Then there was the issue with Su She. He targeted Wei Ying and forced him to stay out of the safety of the cold cave. For Su She to target Wei Ying specifically, Wangji had many questions as to why that was. No one was giving him answers about what was happening. He was hiding away with Wei Ying until he reaches eighteen to keep him safe. Though, Wangji questioned if they were to remain safe at the place that they were. After all Jilpa brought them to Zhūhóng, to hide away but how isolated is this location. Wangji didn't even know where he was specifically.

Wei Ying heard all of Wangji's concerns an wondered if he was just more of a problem then ever. He loved Lan Wangji but lately, he was feeling alone and isolated. Wei Ying was blamed for the ambush of Cloud Recesses. Hearing that Su She and Jiang Wanyin were potentially involved, gave Wei Ying the impression that it was actually his fault.

Wei Ying was in pain, mentally he couldn't process what was happening. All he knows is that he was always the main topic of conversation. Sooner or later, those conversations turn into arguments or complaints. Wei Ying didn't know how much more he could handle before he was to completely break and shut down. With all his emotions piling up on him, he could feel a pressure inside of him that was just aching to be released.

He carefully stood up, as words started to flow through his mind, "having emotions and feelings makes us all human. It lets us know if, say a person is sad, they have a right to cry because they need an outlet to express themselves. Crying helps relieve the pain in a way, it helps you let out pent up emotion. If you feel angry, the first instinct a person would want to do is scream," it was all echoes in his head, hearing his GeGe's voice reverberate back and forth inside his head.

Wei Ying couldn't hold it in any longer, and just screamed. He screamed and he screamed, all the rage, the pain, and the sadness flew out of him, erupting into a blazing golden fire. He was engulfed in it, it was something that he feared would happen, and it happened. For some reason, he was having a sense of Deja vu, remembering a scene inside his head. Seeing Lan Wangji trying to calm him down as he was raging with fire, only to pass out from exhaustion. Seeing that vision in his head, he felt confused, as to why he had that memory.

Lan Wangji woke to the screams he heard from outside. He didn't even bother grabbing his sword or his guqin and just ran outside. Hearing such a familiar sound, he knew it was Wei Ying. Lan Xichen was also in the area as he decided to stay with them that night. He bolted out of the door to see a familiar sight in front of him. Wei Ying screaming in agony as he was silently suffering on the inside while being covered in flames.

Zhūhóng was out in a flash, seeing the young teen in such misery, she used all her strength to make the fire ease out. Wei Ying was still crying, his hands balled up into fists, and was trembling with anger, sadness, and confusion. Lan Wangji recognized the look in Wei Ying's eyes. Wei Ying was around this same age when they first met and he was going through some rough times, not just mentally but also physically. Lan Wangji knew he had to try and fix this.

"A'Ying, can you hear me?" Wangji asked as he knelt down only a few paces away from him. He didn't want to rush anything, so he took his time and tried to get Wei Ying to talk.

"A'Zhan, I don't know what to do," Wei Ying cried.

"I want to know what is going on, but I would like it if you could try to relax," Wangji said, "remember the breathing exercises I taught you?"

"I can't calm down," Wei Ying said, "I..I had a bad dream again...I am the reason you and GeGe are fighting...I am just a burden...I feel so guilty and alone, A'Zhan," more sobs broke out from him as his fists ignited into flames again, "I'm sorry. I'm a bad person...I'm so sorry."

"Oh, sweet boy, I'm sorry if we are making it seem like this is all on you. It is not. I am here, I don't ever want to lose you, A'Ying. You are not a bad person. You are so kind, smart, caring, brave, and strong. You have nothing to be ashamed or guilty of. I will spend every day of my life reminding you of that," Wangji told him. Wei Ying remained silent, but still had tears falling, "what happened in your dream?"

"I killed everyone," Wei Ying answered, "the ambush, I helped by using my fire, but I killed everyone, including Gusu Lan people. I killed Grandmaster Lan, I killed Ge Ge, and I killed you. You were burned alive, but also had an arrow in your heart. I was alone, so I took my life away so I couldn't hurt anyone and to be with you. I need you, A'Zhan. I really need you."

"I know, and I am here," Wangji said as he stood up slowly and took a step to him, "remember what I said about your fire?"

"It can't hurt you," Wei Ying answered.

"That is correct," Wangji said and held out his hand to Wei Ying, "come here."

Wei Ying's fire quenched as he ran into Lan Wangji's embrace and cried into his chest, "I'm sorry," he cried.

"Shhh, it's alright," Wangji said as he tightened his arms around Wei Ying and started running his fingers through his hair. He then glanced over at his brother and Zhūhóng. Lan Xichen knew that he and Wangji need to work things out for the sake of Wei Ying. Zhūhóng nodded and went back inside to let Wangji be to calm down his soulmate. Lan Xichen sighed as he went inside and started to prepare some tea for both of the boys to help them calm down a bit. Once Wangji calms Wei Ying down enough, Xichen knows that the three of them will have to talk.