------- He loved the girl that can't love him.....And now he can't love the girl that loves him --------
**
"Don't worry.." I say, getting up off the chair and walking around him on my way out, my scarf running through his fingers lightly until it s...
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"Are you ready?" Aaron asks me.
"Does it matter?" I mumble, thinking out loud.
He stands up.
"C'mon then." He says, taking my hand.
I rub the back of my neck as we slowly walk out of the room, delving deep into thought, only to be backed up against the wall in the corridor.
"Listen" Aaron says, briefly rubbing the side of his nose, an act I notice he does unconsciously when he is unsure of something.
"I know you said you need time to think, but, have you given any thought or decided to give an answer to my proposal?" He asks.
"I haven't..decided." I respond.
He looks surprised.
"Why?"
I fold my arms over my chest.
"Because we had that conversation last night..it's not like I have had time to think about it." I mutter.
He looks at me questioningly, opens his mouth to speak but holds himself back.
"Ok...I just..I had to ask." He says and I nod.
We start to walk again, him ahead of me a little bit.
I look at the back of his head.
I know what he is thinking, telling our families that we are having a baby would be so much easier if we were engaged, but that is not the reason I want to be engaged or get married...I want the dust to settle on one big step before jumping into another one, or fusing another huge step into another.
We go down the hall as I adjust my light blue button up cardigan, which I wore over a pair of blue jeans, pulling the hemline over my belly and briefly touching it.
The first few weeks of pregnancy can be quite delicate and tricky in terms of sustaining a pregnancy for some people, and for people like me with additional 'concerns' such as insufficient cervix, my concerns will only increase with time. So I wanted to wait until we atleast crossed the first trimester before announcing the pregnancy to everyone.
But I guess it's out of our hands now.
And today of all days.... I can't imagine a worser timing for delivering the news than on grandmas' burial day...how distasteful.
And I thought that we would break it down in little pieces, tell people little by little. I wanted to start with Angela first, then perhaps Mom and my other sisters, Dad last. Aaron would do the same with his people, however he sees best......NOT telling both our families together at once.
The thought gives me anxiety.
I glance at Aaron.
He surely has a quick reaction and turnaround time. Right now, he looks stoic, composed, more accepting of the situation. Maybe that's just the pilot in him.... trained to stay Calm and focused when handling tricky situations.... but that's me at work.... my instincts are usually on point, I work really well and thrive under pressure.... but it seems when it comes to my personal life, when it comes to him...to this man, i'm a whole different mess of a person.
