Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

C. 3 - Maya

Hello everyone! Before we continue from where we left off, there is an entirely flashback chapter for you.

Thank you always for your love, enjoy your reading!

Today Viviana and I had a beautiful day. Even though it's Saturday, Carina worked and after only an hour's shift she texted me to tell me that things were going to be extended quite a bit because there were some absentees on the ward and some emergencies that needed to be taken care of right away. Viviana was still in her little room, in her pajamas, playing on the mat, so I took the opportunity to shower and then decide that we would make the most of our day together. I got her ready, packed our lunch, packed a backpack full of things that would come in handy, like any experienced mom, and then loaded her into the car and we were off to an amusement park just outside Rome. Viviana had so much fun that tonight when it was time to put her to bed she was still laughing. She ran jumping ten feet above the ground from one side of the amusement park to the other, we watched a skating show, ate our packed lunch and then a giant cotton candy, which according to Carina is why her daughter couldn't sleep tonight. In this scarce month of living together and sharing every space and time together, the bond between Viviana and me has grown even stronger. Every now and then she has her moments of crisis where she looks for Carina, otherwise it is nice to be able to chat, to watch her grow day by day and to listen to her crazy, logic-less reasoning, which slowly take on a rationality instead. She is a creative child, she is alert, she is agile, she is dynamic, she is attentive, she is caring. When, though rarely, it is my turn to put her to bed at night, after she falls asleep I often find myself staring at her, looking for pieces of Carina in her, studying her every expression, trying to speculate what she must be dreaming about. It's a bond that I can't define, and maybe sometimes Viviana struggles too because over time she has begun to chat with me in a different way than she does with Carina, with a new confidence: she asks me so many questions, about how relationships work, about me, about herself and then about the world, the universe... so much so that sometimes I forget that I'm talking to a five-year-old girl. When we have those conversations there I get the feeling that she feels that she is missing a key piece, a second parent, and she was trying to figure out if our puzzles can work together or not.

The best part of the day, however, is always when night comes and we get into bed with Carina. Just her and I, looking into each other's eyes and telling each other about the day. It is reassuring to know that however things go, at the end of the day I can go back to my safe haven and mirror myself in her wonderful hazel eyes. It is nice to hear about her day, her thoughts, her fears, her desires. It is nice, and it is useful for me, to be able to confront each other about Viviana: I try to respect Vivi's thinking that our talks are also our secrets, but I need to have Carina as my shoulder, so that conversely she can find in me an ally and an accomplice.

C < I never imagined my daughter would like amusement parks..> I laugh.

M < is that a nice way of saying I'm leading her down the wrong path?> Carina only smiles.

C < no, it's a nice way of saying that I know you're going to be a great mother...because in a way you already are..> I am momentarily taken aback by her statement.

M < I'm not trying to win her over..> I defend myself, childishly.

C < I know, also because you don't need to. You already have all her trust..> I sigh.

M < do you really believe that?> I ask uncertainly.

C < I believe that. And I believe that it is not a name that makes a family, rather the bond. And you are making a very strong one..> I nod.