Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

C. 13

Hello everyone! Here is the new update.... See you soon and thank you as always for your reading and support!

I have now been in my fourth month of pregnancy for a week and things are progressing in the best way possible, at home, at work, with Maya, for myself, my pregnancy. Accomplice to the warm weather I am still managing to cover up my shape, wearing mostly baggy dresses or equally big shirts, often hiding the roundness that is beginning to be noticeable with the gown when I am at work. At home of course I can put myself to be more comfortable and think less about hiding, but it is becoming difficult even when we see each other at home with our friends, or with her mother, or even worse with Andy, who seems to be spying on me more and more closely that I fear at any moment she will corner me. I am aware, however, that I cannot hide my changing body much longer: the other night I was out with Letizia and other friends and they spent the whole time teasing me because they noticed my breasts were bigger than usual. I tried to cover it up and I couldn't even tell Maya about it, because if she had known that Jessica was among the people there commenting on my breasts, she would have made a scene and not talked to me for a whole day. This is just the most trivial example of why it would be time to tell our friends, but the real stumbling block to be faced is Viviana. Both Maya and I know that the first person we should tell about the arrival of a new baby brother or sister is her, but we both have our fears. Maya is actually the one most scared of the idea and every time I try to corner her and tell her that we have to tell Viviana the good news, she starts bringing up all the reasons and fears why it might not be good news. Although sometimes the way she expresses these fears makes me laugh because she tends to be overly agitated, I cannot deny that some of her fears are largely shared by me. On the other hand, however, I also know very well that it is inevitable at times to face some guilt and some possible negative emotions in Viviana, just as I think it is absolutely necessary for Viviana to have some time ahead of her to accept and metabolize the news.

As always therapy is very helpful to me, which is why I asked my therapist what she thought about bringing Maya in for a meeting, so that we could both discuss in a neutral place our fears about it. A small part of me then thinks that I can use this meeting as blackmail, both toward Maya and toward my therapist, so that we can also talk about other topics, which I am dealing with in therapy on a one-on-one basis, but which I do not have the courage to deal with, at home, alone with my partner. What I did not expect, however, was Maya's rather negative reaction to my proposal to accompany me during a session. First she laughed, without taking me seriously, then when she realized that I was more than serious, she started saying that she would never come, that she didn't need any shrink, that she didn't know we had a problem, and things like that. I tried to calmly explain to her that there was absolutely no problem, but that it was still my need to be able to confront her in a neutral place and with a kind of mediator in our midst, who does not serve to mitigate any quarrel, only to give us a third opinion, free from any of our internal dynamics. Even now, therefore, I find myself in my therapist's waiting room not knowing whether Maya will show up or not: I had chosen lunchtime for this session so that it would be more convenient for Maya, but at this point I don't think it makes any difference. By now that I am here, however, I will be able at this point to discuss with my therapist the wave of resentment, disappointment, and confusion that will hit me like a tsunami if Maya really will not be there.

After five minutes spent crying in front of the doctor, trying to express my feelings constructively, as she takes pains to advise me to do, rather than heaping insults on Maya, there is a knock on the therapy room, and a few moments later Maya's stressed and somewhat distressed face peeps through the door. I continue to cry, this time in relief, while the two of them take care of the introductions. The doctor then seats Maya next to me and offers me for the umpteenth time a glass of water, which this time I accept. Maya looks at me a little confused, clutching my knee with one hand: I can see that she would like to ask something and instead is silent, just as I recognize in her face the signs of when she is very uncomfortable.