Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

C. 38 - Maya

Here we are with some insight from Maya. Thank you for all your comments: your words are precious to me. see you soon

In theory I am at work, in practice I am completely elsewhere with my mind, unable to concentrate on anything.

I sent a message to Carina asking if I could talk to her tonight, but I still haven't received a response. On the one hand, it seems absurd to me to have to ask the person I live with and have family some kind of interview in order to be heard, but for two days now Carina has been enacting a selective muteness solely toward me, so when she sees me walking around the house, she is silent. By now she doesn't even pretend that things are going well in front of Viviana, she simply ignores me. The only time she spoke to me was the night after my revelation with respect to Angelica, to tell me that I could no longer sleep on the couch because Viviana had spent the entire afternoon, from which I had been cleverly excluded, asking her questions about why I could no longer share a bed with her. She thus tossed me into the guest room, which, although more comfortable, I had actually intentionally avoided, precisely because it gave me a more stable idea of a separation, as opposed to the couch, which is known, by definition of couples in crisis, to last at most one night. Carina's intent in protecting Viviana by the way was useless, because anyway she found me and started sleeping with me, now for three consecutive nights, counting the couch night.

I certainly cannot force Carina to listen to me, but we are together, I have every intention of staying together with her, of continuing to build our family day by day, and this means that sooner or later we will have to deal with this issue.

Suddenly being here sitting in this waiting room seems like the most idiotic idea I've ever had in my life, but at the very moment I decide I don't want to do this nonsense thing, the door in front of me opens and I feel two eyes settle on me: they are so deep I can feel them even with my head down.

< Paola Rossi?> I raise my head and those deep eyes plant themselves in mine and then widen from surprise. < you are not Paola Rossi...> she almost whispers. I sigh and stand up, crawling my agitated, sweaty hands over my pants.

M < no, I am..>

< Maya. Carina's partner, right?> Carina's therapist recognizes me right away, and I don't even know why I'm surprised. I lower my face, full of shame, and nod.

M < yes. Excuse me for using a false name, it's just that I...> I pause sighing. < I need to talk to you..> her eyes study me attentively, but she immediately shakes her head.

T < I'm sorry, but I can't do that..>

M < you don't have to tell me anything about Carina, I don't want to talk about her..> my throat is so dry I struggle to create a meaningful sentence. < or rather, yes, I want to talk about her, but I'm not looking for any answers that I know you won't be able to give me..> she nods.

T < I understand that and I'm sorry, but I can't..>

M < what's different from last time?> I frown.

T < the absence of Carina for example?> she asks, with a hint of irony.

M < please, really. I just need ten minutes. Please..> I look at her and don't know how to break her down. < I'll pay you the fee for the whole hour I made you lose of course..> I specify and on her face now there is the shadow of a smile.

T < that's not the reason..>

M < I know..> I interrupt her. < and I am happy to know that Carina has such a fair and ethically just therapist..>