Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

C. 42 - Maya

Thank you all as always for reading on. Today we will have some... fun. 👀🔥

My favorite defense mechanism is avoidance or denial. I apply it in such a self-conscious way that even my therapist enjoys asking me trick questions during sessions so that I end up contradicting myself one sentence after another, thus hoping to stop evading all my fears, hopes and strong emotions by hiding behind the most trivial and primitive defense mechanism.

Given the latest happenings in my, Carina's and the girls' family life, I know very well that, for greater serenity for everyone and an increasingly stable family balance, I am the one who should make decisions, who should direct our family in one direction rather than another. Yet I do what I do best: I stand perfectly still. Without my face showing an ounce of change, without my emotions managing to get out of the container that is my heart, without my thoughts taking over. I simply become a cross between an automaton and a piece of ice: I function perfectly, there is an important family harmony, seemingly things are proceeding in the right direction and in the most serene and beautiful way possible. And yet I know it, I feel it, that it is as if I am living in a double-speed life: the apparent one and the real one, which is being stifled.

Daily events, fortunately for me, all play in my favor. It is common knowledge, everyone does it, that the most important decisions are put off until a better time: the diet should always be started on Monday, then it can be postponed until the beginning of the month and so on; when June comes, all decisions are moved to September, as if the beginning of the school year really could somehow affect all the decisions in the world, and then it only takes a moment, just one, to decide that it is better to postpone everything until the new year. Everybody does that, so why should I stand out? And so I felt that no decision or reflection could be made during the summer vacation. Right after that, we had to focus on Andy's wedding, and then I already know that I will have a mess of other excuses ready in my drawer: the beginning of Viviana's second grade, Celeste's first birthday, Christmas, and so on...in my basement full of denial I could live there forever.

For example, tonight. No one would think that you can make important life decisions during your best friend's bachelorette party, right? Despite the fact that I am Andy's best man, I didn't plan anything at all. I asked Vittoria to do it for me and she eagerly agreed, except I regretted it when the day and subsequent evening turned into a series of catastrophic events (only for me, though, because the other invited friends seemed to have had a great time) in the background of which there was always "embarrassing Andy", "pulling out some plastic dildo to wave around when needed," "screaming like squawking chickens and walking around in custom T-shirts and wedding veils on our heads," and ending with the grand finale, the classic, unrelenting nightclub tour, complete with strippers and miscellaneous company. To my personal despair I even had to attend the evening alone, because Carina stayed home with the girls. When I got home I cried out for a miracle that I had survived. Except to find out later that the "tragedy" of the bachelorette party was not yet over. Since Andy said she was sorry she could not experience even a carefree moment with Carina, she decided to organize a weekend in Argentario, by boat, with only a few close friends, that is, five, maximum six people. Actually Carina and I thought about it for a long time anyway, because neither of us had too much desire to leave the girls for the whole weekend with anyone, specifically my mother, but in the end we came to a conclusion together: my mother made the trip with us, but while we at some point on Saturday afternoon, that is, just now, pulled away from the coast to join the others by boat, where we will spend the night, my mother will stay in the hotel with the girls, whom we will rejoin tomorrow afternoon. It seemed like a good compromise, although now that we are offshore, without any boat operator, because he just moored us offshore and then left us alone, coming back to shore in a barge, it doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore.