Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

C. 34

Hi everyone! 
Thank you always for still being here. 
I remind you that italics means a flashback... and... no more words 😉

I spent all of Viviana's very early childhood wondering what it would be like to experience motherhood together with another person. And I don't just mean sharing diapers to change, having someone to assemble the car seat in the car, being able to relax for a few minutes in the shower because your child is peacefully in the care of the other parent. No. I mean having someone to get excited next to you at every little, almost millimeter-by-millimeter progress of your daughter, someone to fill you with photos, someone to laugh with at the funny expressions of babies during their first bath. Much of the time I spent wondering "what would it be like if..." was spent thinking about Maya. Now that I am actually experiencing this everlasting, never-ending excitement, I can only admit that nothing I imagined comes close to reality, which is far surpassing any of my best fantasies. I am almost ashamed to admit it, but there is a small part of me that didn't think Maya would really be able to take care of me, of us, like this. Maya is always fidgeting, she sometimes gives importance to things that are not that important to me, she has a hard time choosing, she has a hard time saying no: I thought all these characteristics would make her a little self-conscious and insecure. Instead, once we got past the first few days in the hospital, where Maya almost refused to pick up Celeste for fear that something might happen to her because of her, once at home, Maya was, and still is, my beacon. She manages to move deftly between tasks, trying to have everyone's needs in mind, increasingly reducing her reliance on Andy or her mother. At first, as soon as we got back into the house, I found that she would secretly call her best-friend or her mom to get advice or sometimes practical help. I'm glad, though, that we were able to talk about it, and that with all the calm in the world I was able to tell her that I would prefer her to rely on me, and that if sometimes something goes wrong, according to her or my parameters, it's okay: we all need to be happy, peaceful, and be well, not be perfect.

It seems that they tortured Viviana today during her dance class or I don't know what kind of workout they made her do, the fact is that she barely managed to finish dinner before literally collapsing with her head in her plate. On the plus side, this allowed us, Maya and I, complicit in Celeste's relaxed and peaceful sleep as well, to have a quiet dinner for two, both of us sitting up, without having to rush.

M < I don't remember such a quiet dinner in I don't know how long..> Maya comments interpreting my thought and I nod, barely smiling at her. I don't express myself more because my mind has already flown to other thoughts.

M < is everything all right?> she indeed asks me, patting my hand, over the table.

C < yes..> I reply laconically.

M < what are you thinking about?> she asks me and I smile: it is both a cross and a delight that she knows me so well. The other night, when I came back from the "obligatory date" with my friends, we had a bit of a discussion, because she called Andrea to get help, but we didn't really confront each other on the subject then. I look at her, and although I know I'm going to ruin the mood, I decide that this is the right time to talk about it.

C < why did you call Andrea the other night?> Maya looks at me, glass in midair, then interrupts the gesture, setting it down on the table and looking up.

M < do we have to discuss any more?> I shrug.

C < we don't have to argue, I just want to understand why..>

M < or do you want to correct all my mistakes? Do you want to emphasize that you are the perfect parent and I am the incompetent one who needs support like in school?>