Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

C. 41

Here we go, hi!! Thank you all always for your presence so valuable. Today we have important talks...even in the flashback with little Vivi, who always has the most complicated questions in store.

See you soon!

When I first met Maya in some ways she seemed like a plucked chick: stopping at the first evening we spent together, one might have thought she was a confident person, perhaps even a bit arrogant, at times superficial and very determined. I soon realized that the truth was quite the opposite: she was insecure, anxious, determined yes, but unable to stand up to situations and people. I understood, however, this too early on, that what was enough for her to take that small step toward greater self-esteem in herself was a person beside her who believed in her and spurred her on. Over time then all the wonderful qualities of Maya emerged and she became that wonderful person with whom I chose to share life, that person whom I trust completely, whom I can count on for anything, whom I can call in any eventuality. But what I was able to discover about her and what made me lose my mind even more and fall even more in love is how much all this confidence and strength is lost in front of her daughters, only to explode a moment later in all her pride and determination. The girls are definitely her weak point, they are what make her most anxious and intimidated, convinced that she will make a mistake with every blink of her eyes, but it only takes a little, very little, to awaken her protective lioness side and make her even more perfect.

The rational part of me knows that a very high percentage of children break a limb at least once in their lives. The professional part of me also knows that an equally high percentage of children break a bone at school or during sports, not in the presence of a parent. The "experienced adult woman" part of me knows that it also happened to my brother, just while we were at the beach, and I remember crying all my tears, despite the fact that I was not that little, not because I was worried about Andrea, but because we had obviously ruined the holiday mood and had taken away my chance to be in the water longer. In short, these things happen, and no parent should take it the tragic way I did, if for no other reason than not to scare their child to death, making them think they were on the verge of death. This is not an excuse for my umpteenth failure in the perfect parent manual, but Maya's absence at that moment is what made me cry the most. I would have wanted her with me, because she would have known exactly what to do, and although I was next to a more than loyal, more than intelligent friend who is also one of the most qualified physicians I know, this was not enough to quell my irrepressible complaint of loneliness.

When Maya arrived at the hospital, I again understood why I love her so deeply. In fact, Maya was forced to stay out of Viviana's room because she had no valid legal role, according to the doctors who operated on her, to be by her side. This was despite the fact that Viviana had seen her through the door and started screaming, calling her "mom." There was intense bargaining with Amelia, who for a few moments was the only clear-headed one among all, at that point useful more to avoid a complaint to Maya than anything else, the moment she started shouting unrepeatable things, to which, at times, I feared she would add a punch or two. I can't say out loud that I would have been proud of her, but yes, I would have been. So I found myself alone "at Viviana's bedside," while Maya found herself alone, outside the hospital, at the entrance to which her face was now under a no-entry sign, along with Celeste, who in the meantime had also become increasingly irritated and intractable.

All the anger I feel now as we are driving home, a day after Viviana's operation, snatched from the hospital with Amelia's promise that we would have her further checked out at our hospital, stems from this very crazy love I feel for Maya.

As Amelia brings back my car and some of the luggage we went to the beach with, both girls are asleep in the back seats, in their booster seats, while Maya drives and I can't help but move my leg hysterically, looking out the window, hoping that the transporter can pick me up instantly and take me away.