Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

C. 16 - Maya

Here we are ...
They spread the News and we have a family conversation .. see you soon and thanks always to all for your comments, votes or just to read

Remember: italics is a flashback

To keep all the anxiety I feel at this moment at bay as much as possible, I took Viviana to the park, just so I could run along with her and try to let off steam. Carina sensed my agitation so much that she did not even take offense if I left her alone a few hours during the afternoon. In the same way I sensed that deep down Carina is also a bit agitated because for the rest of the afternoon she has been stressing Viviana to help her in the kitchen to prepare dessert for tonight, and cooking has always been Carina's biggest release.

Last night, in fact, after returning from the sea, and a brief, I would say lightning-fast, conversation with me, Carina sent on the Whatsapp "family group" an invitation to dinner for tonight, at our house, using "agenda for extraordinary convocation: urgent news" as the title. I tried to point out how it was a bit drastic, but then the anxiety and urgency hit me too, not even if we had to communicate who knows what drama. Together we chose that we will communicate it officially, during the dinner that will take place in less than half an hour precisely, only to the family, while to all other friends, whom we consider important anyway, we will send a photo of the three of us, plus Carina's baby bump, with the ultrasound in hand, to communicate the news. The friends group includes Carina's closest colleagues and friends and a few of my friends, including actually Caterina and my secretary at work. The family group, on the other hand, includes Carina's brother, Andy with her family, which is also considered my family, and my mother.

Last night when we got into bed, however, we were able, at least among ourselves, looking into each other's eyes, to tell each other that what makes us most anxious is not the reporting of the news itself, but the meaning that for us the word family has and of which we are both trying to make a different, healthier use.

We are both on our side, facing each other, stroking our faces slowly, almost as if we are studying in depth who we have in front of us.

C < who starts? > indeed Carina asks, making me smile.

M < every time you talk about pregnancy and how it's all about remembering your mom, I always wonder what I can do for you and most of all I wonder how hard it can be for you, every time coming to the conclusion that there's nothing more you can do for real..> I see Carina swallowing, already with her eyes glazed over, and I realize that I've perhaps gone too far.

M < after you wrote in the group though for the first time I wondered what all this means to me, to my family..>

C < what do you mean?> I sigh.

M < I don't want to take away the value of my choice to live with you and Viviana, but somehow it wasn't a choice...whereas this one is...I don't know how to explain..> I snort.

C < I understand, amore. You choose every day to live with us and take care of Viviana, but choosing to give birth to someone is a completely different choice...I don't think you're taking away Vivi's value..> I take a slightly lighter breath.

M < I thought at some point I was going to go through a crisis because of my relationship with my father...I thought I was going to be afraid of becoming like him...and I'm not saying it can't happen yet, because the path is still so long...but if I think or look at my parents, it's like it's all resolved for me..>

C < resolved?> she asks surprised. I nod.

M < yes, but not necessarily in a positive way. With my mom, we're working on rebuilding a relationship and simply if I think about my dad, I think I don't care anymore...that I don't want all that pain to ruin me, but I don't even hope for it to ruin him anymore...dedicating my indifference to him I think is worse..> Carina nods, removing a wisp of hair from in front of my eyes.