Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

C. 31

Hello everybody, here I am!Today's recipe is : a little bit of hormones, a little bit of talking, a little bit of cuddling and a little bit of bambine! Ps. as always, what is in italics is a flashback.Thanks always to everyone!!

Fortunately, I know that it is the pregnancy that makes my mood so erratic, otherwise I would worry a lot. If before the birth I already had my moments of madness, which expressed themselves in exaggerated anger or senseless jealousy, followed by great weeping, since thirteen days now I am a real enigma even to myself. One moment I am as happy as I have ever been in life, feeling blessed to hold my daughters in my arms and have an extraordinary person beside me, but the next I am crying like a fountain. Like this, for thirteen days. It is exhausting.

With all the events from the day of delivery to now then I am really tired, physically, but even more so psychologically. I was looking forward to being home to try to savor some peace and quiet and find out if maybe I could regain some balance, but instead it seems that things always have to get a little more complicated, even though there is the rational part of me that has to admit that I have been waiting for this "breakdown" of Viviana for days, if not months. And the signs, albeit unknowingly, in her five-year-old mind, she has been throwing them all.

Giving birth to Celeste was a feat: I take my share of the blame on how the labor started, on how irresponsible I was perhaps to wait so long, but there is also a share of bad luck in how things continued. When I opened my eyes and realized first of all that I was still alive and then that Celeste was also doing well, I felt like I was touching the sky with my finger from happiness. Then to find Maya, shattered to the point that it looked like she had given birth in my place, next to me, was an additional moment of happiness. Not that I had any doubts, but at this moment more than ever I needed to feel her close to me. And nothing can explain in words the emotion I felt the first time I saw Maya holding our daughter: although I wanted to laugh out loud, to tease her about her insecurities, her fear of breaking her and having her smashed to the ground, I couldn't help but cry, moved by the power of the love I felt inside me at the simple scene of Celeste wrapping her tiny hand around Maya's finger and her looking at her daughter as if she were the most precious thing in the world.

Only when evening came did I ask Maya to pick up Viviana so that I could finally introduce her to her sister. Viviana comes into the room almost running, with Maya trudging behind her holding her hand to keep her from jumping on me: I'm still a little, a lot, sore. I just finished breastfeeding Celeste and I hold her, sitting on the bed, hoping she doesn't fall asleep right away.

C < hello patatina!> I exclaim with as much enthusiasm as I can muster, even if it has to make its way through the immense fatigue. Viviana freezes in place suddenly and frowns: perhaps the image of me holding her little sister is something too strong right now. < how are you? > I ask and her eyes move only momentarily to my face, then return focused on my arms holding Celeste.

M < little one, you can come a little closer if you want..> Maya almost pushes her from the back.

C < come and see...she's still awake..> I explain and she frowns even more.

V < but you said it was a baby brother!> are the first words she says, making us laugh. Maya then kneels down beside her.

M < we kind of thought so, instead it's your little sister..>

V < are you sure?> she asks for confirmation, making me laugh again.

C < yes, we are sure..> she sighs and takes a step toward us.