Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

Epilogue

Note to chapter: the final part is in italics, but it is not a flashback, it is just a "stylistic" choice.

Reached the epilogue of this story I want to take a few lines to thank all of you who have come this far, who have followed my Maya and Carina (and Vivi and Cece!), who have left comments, votes and appreciations.

Maybe the way this story ended will not satisfy everyone, but this is the way the end has always been painted in my head. I always try to write something that is as close to reality as possible, something that is truthful and in which you can also recognize yourself. Above all I write for myself, to draw out my thoughts, experiences and emotions. The first part of this story was written long ago, for example: nothing I wrote had publication as its only goal. All the appreciation and even all the criticism is something extra, which I love and for which once again I thank you.

Thank you.

Ps. a third part is not planned at the moment. For there to be a further sequel, I need a consistent, worthwhile plot to develop in my head first and at the moment there is not. The ending is open, so I do not rule out a return, but not in the immediate future.

Maya

It may be that sometimes the brain plays peculiar tricks, so you end up focusing on a detail, remembering the slightest fact, making strange associations... for example the moment my feet touched American soil I immediately felt suffocated. The whole time Carina was explaining to me her decision to move to the United States for a period of time, to follow a new work project, I was only able to focus on us, our family, and my grief related to missing them. It was only when I got on the plane and faced that very long flight alone that I began to think about what it really meant for me to return "home." Fortunately, we will not be staying in the same town where I grew up and where my relatives are, in theory. That doesn't take away from that sense of suffocation I felt as soon as I landed. I felt it for a long time, I felt like metaphorical hands squeezing my neck for at least a month and a half before I began to feel slightly more comfortable. At the very least, I can now face a walk of at least an hour without looking around anxiously, as if around any corner could be my next misfortune, disguised as my father. It does not help, however, that I am not working. The first few days I struggled immensely to adjust to the time difference, and in the endless sleepless hours I would sit in front of my PC, planning and sending emails like crazy. I necessarily slowed down though, because I am really too far away to do anything meaningful. Together with Andy we reasoned that this was going to be my leave of absence anyway, because I would be at home taking care of Celeste, so that's okay. I, however, had not told anyone about how much I dreaded being at home: I am not used to sitting still, doing nothing, and I was planning so many things to do together with Celeste that I see myself unable to do here, and above all I knew that in times of crisis I could load her into the car and go cast an eye around the office. It was difficult to adjust, still, after two months, I am in the process of adjusting. Everything was decided by outsiders, even Carina had to adapt, and let's not even talk about the girls, Viviana especially. To go from a house that was chosen and built by me, from a life and a daily routine that we were building together, with our habits, our friends, our routines... to this immense machination of schedules that fit together, labs that change at the last minute, late night work by Carina and slow pace on my part is still hard to digest.

Today, however, for the first time when I wake up in the morning I feel happy. I turn in the sheets looking for Carina and sigh when I don't find her. I know, however, that my happy, honeyed memories of this night are not a dream, for several reasons. For example, because I am wearing only boxers and nothing else and also because I can feel Carina's scratches burning on my back. I smile blissfully, seeming to look at myself from the outside, and seeing myself disheveled, half-naked, immersed in the white sheets, I fly from happiness. I turn on my side, once again throwing my arms toward the other side of the bed, hoping for Carina's sudden reappearance. I open my eyes wide in fright when I feel as if I am actually touching something and laugh to myself when I actually discover that I am hugging my daughter.