Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

C. 22 - Maya

Hello to everyone!! And thank you! 

Perhaps it is true that I was a bit too naive to think that one could deal with a house under construction and a future move at the same time as daily life, with the vacations in the way, and a girlfriend who is increasingly pregnant, to the point of being very pregnant. The tasks have added more and more to one another and the setbacks as well: the bathroom fixtures that never arrived (and in fact were only installed yesterday), the current furniture struggling to get along with the furniture we would have liked or bought. In the meantime, there hasn't been a day when Viviana hasn't had a little meltdown about her baby brother coming, forcing me more than once to sleep in the bed in the guest room, and there hasn't been a day when Carina hasn't yelled at me about the number of weeks of pregnancy she had reached, pointing out how they were totally incompatible with the kind of stress I caused her because of my "stupid idea of wanting that fucking house." The problem is that I'm so happy with my current life that there hasn't been a single day where I haven't faced everything with a smile anyway. If I was "forced" to sleep in the guest room, I still woke up the next morning happy and brought my women breakfast in bed; if Carina yelled at me that not knowing the sex of our future baby made it difficult for her to organize the new house and the trousseau, I waved all the shades of neutral colors in front of her eyes with a smile until I got a laugh out of her; if there was a mishap in one room, I would devote myself to the other for that day, and eventually I am fully on my schedule, although Carina keeps reminding me, sometimes hissing an annoying tic tac in my ear, that time is running out.

But this very time that is running out makes me the happiest person in the world: I have experienced every ultrasound as a daydream, every change in Carina's body as a miracle. I have also started to keep diary in which I write down all the emotions I am experiencing during this wonderful journey of pregnancy: on those pages is the trace of my tears of joy from when I learned that Carina was pregnant, the tears from the first ultrasound, from the first booties my mother gave us, from the first time I felt my son kick inside Carina's uterus. Each time I thought my heart was filled with love, I actually discovered that it could hold more and more and more. The joy and happiness of the experience overshadowed all the fears and all the high-strung, breathless moments we experienced, thankfully many few, and also all the hormone-related discomfort: I recorded in my diary that time Carina panicked about some leaks and all those heavy, intolerable thoughts I had on the car ride to the hospital; that time when her blood pressure suddenly dropped and Viviana, I don't know how, managed to call me on my phone while crying in despair because her mom had suddenly fallen asleep on the couch and wouldn't wake up. And then there are also the times when I felt at one with Carina, the endless nights spent dreaming about our future, choosing names, making bets on the sex, being reassured that she won't become a monster because of me and my faulty genetics; the nights when we made love, searching, each time Carina's belly grew, for the best, most comfortable positions for her, who in the meantime discovered new pleasure points within herself, while I developed a new passion for Carina's bottom, because if before my hands were perpetually on her breasts, now it has been months since I can touch them because she says they hurt or are too sensitive: I first developed a form of abstinence and then replaced them with something else.

Above all, I find the daily tranquility we are experiencing comfortable and magical: in the evenings, after Viviana is asleep, we are in the living room in front of the TV, discovering some new movie or TV series, while more and more I massage her feet or lower back and while we keep imagining the future, which is getting closer and closer now that Carina has officially entered the eighth month already a week ago. For two days now I have found her crying around the house because she says she has become a cow and has no energy left to do anything. She is particularly nervous, screaming as soon as she finds a game of Viviana's out of place, so much so that the little one is almost terrified now, and taking it out on me at every possible opportunity. Especially since Carina's belly has become more and more evident she has always tried to be the one to carry Viviana to bed, so that she would not feel abandoned, but tonight she left me in charge, going to take refuge in the bathroom, I assume to cry. If in the past few days she has been screaming and spouting random words, today she has been silent practically all day, which is perhaps even more worrying.