Not just me & you anymore (G!P)

C. 14 - Maya

Hi! Thank you everyone! Let's have some talk.. and see you soon!

After being at Carina's therapist's, our paths diverged virtually without speaking to each other, only to meet again at cocktail hour at Federica's house. Actually, Viviana and I arrived together, from home, while Carina arrived with dinner already started, straight from work with Amelia. The atmosphere is as always serene and harmonious among everyone: tonight they have organized a barbecue to celebrate the arrival of good weather finally and especially Leonardo's birthday. All our friends are there, with boyfriends, lovers and children in tow. While the atmosphere is also very quiet, when we all get together as a group, I always remain the one who is a bit on the sidelines and mostly in charge of the children. I am trying to pass on to Viviana my passion for puzzles and building things, but for now I have to say that I find more bonding on this with Stefano, Andy and Ric's son, while Vivi is only around me for the sake of being able to emphasize to the other children that at the end of the evening anyway she will be the one I go home with and no one else.

Tonight in particular, after the children have eaten before the others, for obvious reasons, I am entertaining them in the large garden of Federica's house, not far from the adults' table. Stefano, however, discovered the existence of kinetic sand and wanted to bring it with him tonight to use it for the first time with me. I'm so intent on building a giant castle, fairy tale-like as Viviana says, together with the latter, Stefano and Mattia, that I almost forget to eat, if it weren't for Andy bringing me a few pieces of meat every now and then.

The fact that I am so entertained with the children significantly increases the distance between Carina and me, so we still hardly speak to each other. Neither of us is angry, there is no particular reason for preferring silence, but perhaps it is the easiest refuge we both have chosen. The truth is that after a psychological session, though not really such, I would need to go on a spiritual retreat for at least two days, to give my brain time to metabolize all the information and dialogue with the other parts of my body.

Precisely because my silence is not prompted by anger, when the children are finally asleep, it comes naturally to me to go and sit next to Carina: the conversation, expanded to all, has moved to the pool beds, chairs and puffs that the hosts have set up for us near the pool. Carina is practically lying on a lounger, and I take the opportunity to slip in behind her, making her sit between my legs and resting her back against my chest. By instinct my hands slide over her belly, no longer so flat, but Carina just as instinctively fastens her hands to mine and blocks all movement.

M < how are you? > I whisper in her ear, then kiss her just below her earlobe. Carina barely shudders and snuggles closer to me.

C < I'm tired and fed up..> she expresses her discontent, making me sigh.

M < do you want us to leave?> I propose.

C < no, I wish I could stop hiding..> she replies piqued and I again choose the path of silence. As usual, faced with a few too many glasses of wine, the conversation gradually becomes more and more cheerful and we almost propose to play some silly drinking game, in which of course Carina could not participate. Thinking about it, I also find it quite absurd how no one has noticed the pregnancy yet, since Carina was perpetually holding a glass of wine. However, when the whole group starts good-naturedly teasing us, repeatedly asking when we are going to get married, I start to rehash my thoughts earlier and indeed, maybe "truth or dare" doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

The situation gets even worse for me when everyone notices Carina's curt replies and her bad mood and then starts hammering me with questions about what I have done. I defend myself as best I can, but Carina's silence doesn't help.