Love and Weakness (Third Part of "Love In The Spotlight") MJ Fantasy

Chapter 4: Reminiscing

Neverland Ranch

Michael's POV

I ran my hands along my morning shadow as I sat in the dark corner of my bedroom. I've been here all night, thinking, contemplating, crying. I'm really losing my happiness. I feel like the young and naive person I was before I met Zoe. Lonely, shy, scared. I remember when my brothers would visit with their wives and children back when I lived at Hayvenhurst. As soon as they left, I would stay up all night crying, asking God why I had to be the lonely one. I felt like everybody had somebody, except for me.

On a normal, boring, lonely day, my life suddenly turned around and my sadness evaporated when I was introduced to a beautiful girl named Zoe. She was everything that I was and everything that I wasn't and so much more. Truly my better half, in every sense of the phrase. She brought out feelings that I didn't know I was capable of experiencing. I remember a time when I couldn't even focus on rehearsals for my Bad tour because I couldn't stop thinking about her. I remember how fast my heart would beat against my chest whenever I would see her. I remember how my head would spin when she kissed me. She's given me more than I can ever repay her for. Children, marriage, love, and a sense of normalcy. I never felt like a normal person until Zoe loved me.

She warmed my heart, filled my heart, and eventually, broke my heart. And I'm not talking about our issues with the birth control back when we were only engaged. That did hurt me, but it was easy to move past. Finding out that she cheated on me with Darryl is what really changed things..

Knowing that another man was receiving the same smiles that made my day, touching the same body that drove me insane, and kissing the same lips that spoke the beautiful words that I lived to hear, really broke me down. After that, I can't look at her the same.

I haven't lost an ounce of love for her, though. She still means the world to me. I would still die for her. I just cannot find in her that same woman who changed my life so long ago.

It took me a long time to decide to go through with divorce. I actually had been thinking about it for almost 6 months before Zoe found those papers in my office.

Ugh, that was horrible. Around the time I had her under the impression that everything was good between us. I shouldn't have done that, because I knew that we would never be the same. She was so confused and hurt when she found the papers, she literally collapsed into tears. It's unfair that she had to find out that way. I regret that moment so much that it haunts me my memory to this very day.

"Michael....." She muttered as tears dampened her face. "Michael, why?"

I stared down at her, unsure of how to answer. "You weren't supposed to find out this way..." I mumbled.

"MICHAEL WHY?" She shrieked. "Why are you doing this?"

I held back my own tears as I contemplated the appropriate way to respond. "We should talk about this another time..."

"We should talk about it now!"

"Baby, I want-"

"No!" She shouted, standing up from the ground. "Don't call me baby! How can you look me in my face and call me baby? You don't even want to be with me!"

"That's not true." I responded. "I want to be with you. I love you. This isn't about me, Zoe. I'm trying to do what's best for our family...."

She shook her head slowly, wiping her tears. "You think that a divorce... is what's best for our family? You think that throwing away our marriage is what's best for our family? You think that making our kids grow up in two different houses is what's best for our family!?" She questioned, her voice getting louder and louder.

A puzzled look spread across my face. Did she just say "kids"? As in plural, as in more than one?

"Yes, I said kids..." She said, rolling her eyes at my confusion.

"Well, what do you mean?" I asked.

She gave me a look of hatred that could have burned a whole right through me. She picked up the divorce papers from the floor where she had dropped them moments before, balled them up, and threw them at me. "I'm pregnant, asshole..."

"Asshole..." Zoe mumbled under her breath as she entered the bedroom, startling me out of my reminiscence. She walked to the closet, picking out something to wear, I assume. Even though we sleep in separate rooms we've never gotten around to moving her clothes out of the closet.

I stood up and followed her into the closet, shutting the door behind me so she couldn't leave. "We need to talk, baby..." I stated.

"When are you going to learn to stop calling me baby?" She asked with an attitude as she picked through the racks of clothes, never turning to face me.

I wanted to say "never", but I played it safe instead. "I'm sorry.. Zoe."

She nodded and looked at me over her shoulder. "There's nothing for us to talk about, Michael. You should be talking to Junior, not me."

I sighed. "I know, I'm going to talk to him... But first I wanted to talk to you about Lisa."

She turned to face me fully. "Lisa?" She questioned. "What about her?"

"I just wanted to let you know that nothing was going on between us while we were still together.... everything happened after we discussed the divorce."

Her face fell. "Wait so, the woman you're seeing is... Lisa?"

I wrinkled my eyebrows. "Yes... I thought you already knew that..."

She sat down the clothes she was holding and placed her hands on her hips, shaking her head. "I knew that there had to be another woman... Just by the way you've been acting lately... But I had no idea..." Her voice trailed off. I leaned back against the wall and cursed myself. Way to go, Michael. Zoe bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling, something she does when she's either turned on or about to cry. I think I'll go with the latter.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered.

A few tears escaped her eyes as she continued to shake her head. "You had her right in front of me..." She whispered. "You made a fool out of me... You disrespected me... I'm still your wife... I'm having your baby... How can you let the woman you're screwing just look me in my eyes like that?"

I snorted as I realized how much of a hypocrite she's being. "Sounds familiar, doesn't it?" I asked, referring to the time that she introduced me to Darryl at the Soul Train Awards. She was screwing him and she let him look me in the eyes.

She squinted her eyes and sighed, grabbing the clothes she picked out and walking past me towards the door. Before she left she stopped and faced me. "If you want to use my mistakes to justify your actions... If that really makes you feel better about yourself... Then go right ahead. Legally you're still with me but you're obviously not emotionally with me anymore. That's fine. Do what makes you happy, Michael. I won't be in your hair for much longer...."

I sighed and grabbed her hand as she turned to leave. "Please don't be like that... I didn't mean what I said, okay?"

She shook her head yet again and turned around, opening the door and leaving.

I felt anger slowly building inside of me as I heard the door close after her. "Fuck!" I exclaimed, kicking over a stack of shoe boxes. I plopped down on the floor and brought my hands to my face. That was such a fail. My whole point of coming in here was to make Zoe feel better and now she hates me even more. Why can't I get this right? I thought that divorcing Zoe would make my life easier, but it's been nothing but hell so far, and the divorce isn't even final yet. I honestly can't help but wonder if it's too late to change my mind. If I did, would Zoe take me back?