Love and Weakness (Third Part of "Love In The Spotlight") MJ Fantasy

Chapter 5: How Much I Love You

Michael's POV

I let out a nervous sigh as I stood outside of Junior's bedroom door. I lifted my hand to knock, but stopped when I realized that I was actually about to knock on a 4 year old's door. I turned the knob and pushed the door open slowly, peeking my head inside. Junior was sitting upright in his bed watching cartoons, his cover snuggled around him, and a pained look on his face.

I stepped into the room and he looked in my direction. "Hi, Daddy..." He said softly, which is very unlike him.

I smiled and sat down on the edge of his bed. "Hi, buddy. You're still in bed?"

He nodded. "I have a headitch...."

I wrinkled my eyebrows. "A headitch?"

He nodded again. "Mommy said when you cry really hard it can give you a headitch." He explained.

I chuckled softly as I finally understood what he meant. "Oh, you mean a headache..."

"Yeah, I have one of those. My brain is doing this..." He held out both of his hands and opened and closed them.

"It's throbbing?" I asked.

"Yeah..."

"Did Mommy give you medicine?"

"Yeah, it tasted gross..."

I smiled weakly. "I'm sorry to hear that..." I said. He looked down at his hands, avoiding eye contact. Wow, I didn't think my son would feel awkward around me for at least another 8 years. "So you were crying very hard last night?" I asked.

"Yes..." He said quietly, still looking at his hands.

"Was it because of me?"

"Yes..." He said again, rubbing at his eyes as tears sprang forward.

"Oh, buddy..." I scooted closer to him. "Daddy is so sorry..."

He sniffled and covered his face. "I'm mad at you, Daddy. You don't like me that much anymore..."

"No, that's not true baby boy..." My throat grew tight as I felt my own tears forming. I took a deep breath to keep myself from crying. I need to stay strong. "I like you very much... I love you very much... More than any other thing in the whole universe..."

He moved his hands away from his face and looked at me, his eyes slightly red. "Really?"

"Yes really. You didn't know that?"

"No..." He shook his head. I pulled him onto my lap and held him tightly. His cries gradually grew louder and louder, until he was sobbing right against my chest.

"You mean the whole world to Daddy. You're the most important thing to me." I kissed the top of his head as I rocked him back and forth gently. "I'm sorry that I haven't been showing you that, buddy. Daddy is an old man. Sometimes when I make promises to you I forget about them. That doesn't mean I don't like you, though. Do you understand?"

He nodded as his crying quieted down a little. "But I still really wish that you wouldn't make me wait for you for really long times..."

"I'm sorry about that, son. I won't make you wait for me like that anymore. I promise..."

"And you always talk on the phone but you don't really talk to me that much..."

"I do talk to you... We talk every day." I said, pulling him away from me slightly so I could look at him.

"Nuh uh. You used to talk to me about dinosaurs and cartoons and then you would give me ice cream and we would pretend to be snowmen..."

"We still do that, right?"

"No..." His bottom lip quivered. "Every time I try to ask you to you say 'shhh not right now' and then you keep talking on your phone all day..." He laid his head back into my chest and began crying again.

"I'm sorry, baby... Daddy is so sorry..." This time I couldn't hold my tears back, and they rolled down my face and landed on top of his head. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, buddy... I won't do it anymore, okay?"

He pulled away and looked into my eyes. "You promise, Daddy?" He asked with hopeful eyes.

I smiled weakly and kissed his cheek. "I promise."

"Cross your heart and hope to die?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die." I chuckled, trying to hide the fact that I was crying. A small smile spread across his face and he leaned up to kiss my chin, causing me to grin. "Do you still love Daddy?" I asked.

"Yes, I still love you, Daddy..." He responded.

"And I love you... You know how much?" I asked with a mischievous smile.

He gasped and scurried off of my lap. "Oh no no no..." He giggled as he crawled to the other side of the bed.

"Wait where are you going? I just want to show you how much I love you..." I snickered, grabbing his ankle. He squealed and kicked his feet. I dragged him back across the bed and flipped him on his back.

"No Daddy, no!" He laughed.

I hovered above him for a few seconds before quickly pinning him down and placing sloppy kisses all over his face. "Oh I love you so much!" I said in between the dramatic kissy sounds I was making.

"Ewwwww!" He shrieked, trying to wriggle away.

I finally gave in and let him go. He sat up quickly, wiping his face with a disgusted expression. "What, you don't like my kisses?" I giggled.

"No way! That's more gross than medicine!" He said. I laughed loudly. This kid is brutally honest.

"Well how come you like Mommy's kisses but not mine?"

"Because you can't kiss right. Mommy gives good kisses." He responded.

I chuckled under my breath. He's got that right. Whoa.. I can't talk like that about my soon to be ex wife. Chill out, Michael.

The door opened suddenly and Zoe stepped inside with a towel and wash cloth in her hand. She smiled when she saw us sitting together. "This is a Kodak moment..."

"I'm not mad at Daddy anymore." Junior informed her.

"I can see that... I'm glad." She giggled. "I hate to break this up but the bath is waiting for you."

Junior's smile fell quickly. "I don't like baths..."

"I know, that's why you stink." She teased.

Junior gasped. "I do not stink, Mommy! You stink!"

"No you stink. Stinky butt!" She stuck her tongue out.

"No, Daddy stinks!" He giggled.

I dropped my jaw. "What? I don't stink!"

Junior held his nose. "Yes you do... He really does Mommy..."

"I know he does, baby." She giggled. "He is one stinky man."

Junior thought that was hilarious for some reason, and he fell back on the bed in hysterics. Zoe and I giggled along with him. His laughter is so contagious. At one point, Zoe's eyes met mine for a second, and I thought I saw the happy woman who stole my heart 8 years ago. That didn't last long though, because her smile quickly dropped and she broke the stare.

"Let's go clean you up so you don't have to stink like Daddy." She said, still joking, but with no smile this time. Junior hopped off of the bed and ran out of the room towards the bath, still laughing his head off. Zoe avoided my eyes as she turned to leave the room.

"Zoe, wait..." I called after her.

She stopped. "Not now, Michael-"

"Please. I want to make things right again..." I admitted. My eyes widened as I realized what I just said. That was not supposed to come out.

She gave me a blank stare. "It's too late..." She sighed. "After all of this... Things will never be right again." She left the room quickly, walking away from me for the second time today, and dragging my heart out of the door with her.