Darling (Harry Styles)

chap 38

ANNABELLE WILCOX
Wilcox Family Home

Muffled voices emit from Eli's phone as I search inside my childhood home for any sign of life. Any sign of Derek.

There's a black, beat-up Honda parked in front of us. I recognize it immediately by the damaged flower sticker on the bumper. It's Derek's old car, his very first car. It's been through the gutter since the last time I saw it.

There's a new dent in the side, right between both the front and back door on the right side. The various knicks and scratches are all over it, like anyone who wanted to beat this car up could've.

"The five minutes begins now." Eli brings me back into reality. "I don't care if he's angry, get him in the car and get over here. It should take you five minutes. He will be fine."

I know he's talking about Harry and my heart swoons.

What if I die tonight? What if I die in the place where my parents did at the hands of my own brother? What if this is where the Wilcox name ends?

In fear of the possibilities, I blurt out, "Tell him I love him."

Eli's breath hitches in his throat and he looks over at me, but my eyes are on my hands. The first thing I feel is wrong for forcing my first 'I love you' to Harry to be through Eli, a man who just admitted his love for me.

But, I had to say it. I had to tell him because if I didn't tell him now, I don't know if I ever would. I needed to make sure he knew.

After what feels like an eternity, Eli whispers through the phone like he's afraid of his own words.

"Tell him she says I love you."

Then, he hangs up.

Afterwards, his actions are quickened. Selfishly, I worry that he won't protect my life as much now that I've broken his heart. I didn't mean to.

Eli is my past and I never want to lose him. I also never wanted to hurt him. But, our friendship is only protected if we both agree that it is only a friendship.

As he reaches for his door handle, I speak up — both to delay having to see Derek and to repair what I might've broken.

"Eli, finding out who you were felt like the most perfect thing in the world. I found something good from my past that could never be taken from me. Derek could never make you not good anymore to me. I need you, Eli. Just not in the same way."

Eli nods his head curtly and that cold exterior returns, "Let's go. We're running out of time."

There's no doubt Derek knows we're here already. I wonder if he's come alone or what he has in store for us, all I know is that I am not prepared.

I thought I was. I thought I'd know what to do, but I don't. As the realization sinks in that I'll be seeing him more and more, I know I'm not prepared. I know I'll crack under his pressure.

I dig my fingernails into my palms, missing Harry. Eli's steps towards the front door are quicker than mine and I get that same feeling that I did at Gregory's grave. The door gets farther, while I make countless attempts to get closer. Rage fills my body, accompanied with fear, nervousness, and sadness.