I Want You To Be My Last

Part 10 : Kanawut

Gulf stepped back, almost losing his footing, but thankfully managed to ground himself despite the tremor rocking him from his head to his toes.

Someone from behind was saying something, but Gulf honestly couldn't focus enough to listen, to command his body, his feet, to walk away, to remind himself that this wasn't the right time to be dwelling on stuff he had no control over, but it was hard.

Was it just his mind playing tricks on him that he thought he was hearing things? Was it because unconsciously, he was hoping for the impossible too? Was all of this stupidity happening because S bravely crossed that line Gulf promised he wouldn't, saying all those things that made Gulf's pulse skyrocket only to pull him right back to reality knowing that despite their mutual affection - there was no point denying it now, was there? (and attraction, god damn it ), meeting each other in person was out of the question?

Part of him wanted to believe he was being stupid for thinking that the man right there was S - people who sounded the same, talk the same and laugh the same way wasn't entirely unheard of; Gulf knew this firsthand as he'd been told countless times that he didn't only look like his father, he sounded like him too - but, what were the chances that somehow, he was right?

But it couldn't be. It couldn't be - how was that even possible when Gulf was certain the chances of them crossing paths was close to nothing, that he was certain of this when he'd agreed to this arrangement - but what if he was wrong about that too?

"Okay, Nong Mew will be introduced after Nong Talay and Nong Tommy's performance, right? Cue will be a minute before they're done, so you'll need to be on standby then. Okay, ten minutes to show time! Let's go!"

Gulf felt a hand closing around his elbow and tugging, and then the sound of War's voice following shortly after. He was sure he made an embarrassing sound as War dragged him away, saying something about holding it together and keeping his head in the game, focus, Nong, focus , as someone yelled his lungs out - must be Ritz, Gulf couldn't be sure - effectively bringing Gulf back to the present. He exhaled sharply, did it again for good measure and shook himself out of that surprising bubble of uncertainty and reminded himself what he was here for.

Don't fuck up, just don't fuck up, please.

"Ready, boyfriends?"

Gulf screwed his eyes shut and hoped for the best.

-

Thankfully, aside from accidentally elbowing War on the ribs - he didn't mean it, of course - when they were switching places, everything was as they rehearsed it. He might have gone offkey a few times too, but it wasn't something he would take to heart had anyone come up to him to remind him of it, because he knew himself enough to know that he was a working progress and he was doing his best.

They were the second pair to perform, so that simply meant that he and War had to wait until the next three pairs were done before they could join the others for the next event, which was the press conference, which would somehow be preceded by the performance of their special guest, then the supposed dinner right after.

At the very least, the short interim was just what he needed to sort his thoughts out. On one hand, he realized that denying what was already obvious would be dumb, and, much as he didn't like boasting, he wasn't it. He might be many things, but being stupid on purpose wasn't one of them, and Gulf believed he wasn't going to start acting like one now just because he had a feeling that the person he'd been constantly talking to in private - the same person who'd been generously gifting him with expensive things, like a motherfreaking sugar daddy, whom he hadn't met and had no plans on meeting in person, ever - was also the same guy now sitting on the makeup room opposite the one they were presently occupying, waiting to be called in on stage to sing.