I Want You To Be My Last

Part 27 : Caught

Did you not know that I love you? I thought you already knew. I thought I had shown it enough for you to know. That everything I did was because I wanted to be with you.

I wanted to be with you.

Gulf released the breath he didn't realize he was holding, unable to contain the answering pounding of his heart in his chest at the admission. His fingers shook around their grip on his phone, thankful that P'Mew couldn't see him right now. It was embarrassing in its entirety but he guessed it couldn't be helped.

He screwed his eyes shut for a moment, the action he hoped would help calm his racing pulse only managed to make it worse.

Did you not know that I love you?

Was that a question he should answer? Right now? Would he even dare?

Oh, god. Don't cry, idiot. Don't cry , he reminded himself, but it was difficult to stay unaffected when his emotions were all over the place and hearing P'Mew's sniffles from the other end wasn't helping either. He swiped the moisture that fell on his cheeks almost roughly, made sure he wasn't making any noise as he swallowed past the emotion that lodged itself in his throat.

Damn. He wasn't going to lie; he seriously didn't see that one coming.

Or maybe he did; maybe it was just the stubborn part of him that refused to believe this was happening. P'Mew's admission might be unexpected, but not entirely, if he was going to be completely honest about it.

The ache in his chest bloomed anew, but this time it was for a completely different reason, somehow finding himself repeating the words in his head and not knowing how to deviate from it like he supposed he should. The way P'Mew uttered the words so sincerely, as if he wouldn't want Gulf to think he was simply doing it for show. Still, the difference in the tone of his voice was noticeable. Like P'Mew was trying his best to make his tone lighter as he spoke, admitting he loved him but making it sound like they were simply talking about mundane things instead. Normal stuff like his car breaking down or what he'd had for breakfast.

Like he'd always meant to say it, and was simply waiting for a chance to blurt it out. As if P'Mew had only been waiting for Gulf to let something slip even without him actually meaning to, so the older man could do the same. Or at least that was what he kept telling himself as he sat there, listening to sounds of P'Mew's quiet breathing and occasional sniffles from the other end.

To say that he was surprised was an understatement.

Much as he wanted to remain calm, he couldn't; it was hard, especially when he could still hear his blood pounding through his ears, his hands shaking as was the rest of him.The words echoing in his head like a mantra and effectively making him blush, embarrassed and equal-parts disbelieving. He snorted, amused despite himself because it was clear who made his point very clear here when it should be the other way around.

Trust P'Mew to do just that, turning things around when Gulf was certain he had it all figured out.

And truth be told, he swore he thought he had. Hell, he'd had to come up with something elaborately dramatic just to avoid saying it, those three little words in particular in fear of making a mess of things than they already were to begin with - he was being careful, goddamnit, but P'Mew obviously wasn't going to let him get away with it so easily.

And though he didn't plan to bare it out in the open like that - he'd imagined a very different scenario for when he would confess everything he wished to tell the older man, mostly with the two of them facing each other, preferably, and not like this - but the circumstances didn't allow him to get that far.