I Want You To Be My Last

Interlude 2

A/N: Continuation of Part 24 (In it together) told through M's eyes

--

He knew he was being unfair. He knew it wasn't right for him to be dumping all of these on Gulf but he just honestly felt like there was nowhere else he'd rather be than here. P'Tamp didn't outright say it, but the older man did point out the obvious even before he'd jumped out of the car and made his way towards Gulf's apartment building, but he'd simply decided to ignore it.

To be honest, he'd hesitated knocking on Gulf's door too, for very obvious reasons, but the urge to see Gulf was stronger. He ignored that tiny voice in his head warning him to be careful, knowing in his heart that being here, with Gulf, didn't mean that the ugly things he'd gone through earlier were over.

He knew better than to think it was over, but for now, he'd pretend that it was.

He could feel Gulf's hands shaking, could see the reflection of both his and Gulf's faces through the mirror and the rage resurfaced yet again. Gulf was obviously trying to keep his own anger reigned in, but it was hard not to notice it through that relative distance, to not feel it rolling out of Gulf in waves the longer he stood there watching the younger man.

Gulf's fingertip landed on his nape and traced a line there and Mew helplessly screwed his eyes shut in answer.

"Jesus, fuck ." Gulf swore under his breath and Mew felt himself tremble in turn. The anger in Gulf's voice was palpable, but the pain underneath it felt raw and unrestrained. Mew felt it as if it was his own, and somehow, his heart ached once again at the sound of it, knowing he was being undoubtedly unfair for wanting to keep all of these to himself.

Gulf's touch lingered on his neck for a moment, before it somehow ended up drifting somewhere lower. Mew couldn't see the path Gulf's fingers were tracing, wincing in pain, but he could imagine how the skin beneath Gulf's touch must have looked like. The sounds of the camera snapping shots after shots rivaled the noises of his own heart drumming loudly in his ribcage, and coupled by the sounds of their harsh breathes that followed next, it was honestly upsetting.

He kept his head bowed low so he didn't need to be looking at Gulf entirely, but he could still feel him breathing roughly against the back of his neck. It was an ever present reminder that Gulf was doing his best not to say anything, but Mew knew it would only be a matter of time before he did.

When it came, he honestly wanted to hate himself for the way he'd stiffened in answer, feeling Gulf's arms coming around his waist from behind and Gulf leaning down to nuzzle the back of his neck.

He stilled, eyes screwed shut as he forced the memories of someone else's arms around him, of that someone's lips kissing his skin as if he had the right. It was hard but he'd at least managed to, allowing himself to be pivoted around until he was no longer staring at the sink but instead at the face of the man who meant the world to him now.

"You made me promise, Phi," Gulf breathed at the tiny space between their lips, hands finding his arms and squeezing them. Mew knew it was meant to be reassuring, but it was difficult to feel that way when Gulf was shaking badly too. "And I swear I'm doing my best to stick to it, but this...This is fucked up, Phi, and you know it."

Mew knew he should agree, but he swore to himself he would be careful. He didn't need to involve Gulf in his troubles, at least more than he already did but that was still what he'd chosen in the end instead.

"It's not as bad as you think, Nong," he said instead, and then bit his tongue before he could follow it up with something he knew he would regret later.

Gulf shook his head, looking mighty unconvinced. "The bruises, yes," Gulf said, tugging his hand free and using it to cup Mew's chin gently. The action made him want to close his eyes and just enjoy this closeness he'd missed, but he wanted to keep looking at Gulf's face so he didn't.