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Surprise wiped every other emotion off Jimin's face. His body was trembling, his knuckles gripping his umbrella were white from squeezing the handle. He was unsure whether to turn around or not.
How dare you? he thought to ask, how dare you talk so carelessly about my feelings?
But he didn't, he didn't want to, he really didn't want to do anything right now because the burden of what he had heard was too heavy for even him to bear.
He didn't give Taehyung what he wanted, didn't look at him again, he didn't touch his eyes again. He kept walking but it lasted just a few minutes because the steps running behind him blocked his way.
"Please," the tall one is standing in his way to prevent him from leaving, "Don't go like this."
"Move away."
"Talk to me."
"I've said everything I wanted to say," Jimin's eyes were filled with scattered emotions under the light of the streetlight that hit his face through the darkness and they stare sharply, "Obviously you have done too, move away now."
Taehyung slowly shakes his head from side to side, "I can't."
Jimin laughs loudly while throwing his head back, it has no meaning other than war of nerves.
"What's your problem?" his face finally turns back to the other person, a small smile is still there after his laugh, "Do you want to end the friendship that we can barely continue, to consume it?"
"What we have can never be just friendship, you know that much better than anyone."
Jimin throws the umbrella in his hand without looking at the grass, which has started to turn into a bush, "Are you kidding?" he bites.
Then pushes Taehyung from his chest with both hands without even feeling the need to control his strength.
Taehyung staggers slightly but keeps his balance with a backward step.
"Didn't I come all the way to your house?" Jimin pushes him again, "Didn't we talk that we would do this for them, that we could be fucking friends again?" and pushes him again.
"Why are you talking to me like this now?" his voice had risen without realizing it, and his hands also lifted with it, but this time his palms couldn't touch Taehyung's chest because of the long fingers that wrapped around his wrists.
"You shouldn't have come back," Taehyung brings the wrists down to his chest, being careful not to hurt them, "If you didn't want me to try to get you back, you shouldn't have come back to this city that is full of you, me, us everywhere."
Jimin didn't even try to free his wrists, he was standing there studying every detail of Taehyung's face with furrowed eyebrows, as if he could see something hidden, "Stop thinking that everything is about you."
Jimin's hands that Taehyung had been holding near his chest were now completely resting there and he is sure that Jimin can feel his heartbeat in his half open palm while standing as close as they could be after all these years.
"Wasn't it about me that you left the city?" Taehyung says in such a low voice that if Jimin was standing even a little further away from him, maybe he wouldn't have understood what he was saying, "If I had kissed you at subway station that night, would you still have left?"
His eyelids tremble as Jimin watches the dangerously beautiful face in front of him. Remembering that night while feeling the heart beating with a rhythm under his hand that he cannot catch the speed of, makes it seem as if the world is about to slip from under his feet.
"Let go," he hisses, without making any attempt to withdraw, doesn't even flinch.
"Say it," Taehyung responds in the same tone, "Neither my leaving the city nor my coming back was about you and that night couldn't have changed anything. Say it."
"Do you really want to hear the naked truth?"
Although Taehyung is slightly afraid of the defiance in his voice, he still nods.
"You're right, I wasted so much on you," Jimin's resentment flowed out of his voice and fill in Taehyung's heart, "My first true friendship, my first sense of trust, my first love, my first-" Jimin closes his eyes tightly and wishes that he could completely break away from this moment and go to one where everything was less painful, he wished most sincerely that everything would be much different, "My first heartbreak."
Taehyung swallows, the cruelty of what he said now hitting his face like a reflection from a mirror. In a way, he's satisfied because he'd rather talk to Jimin about what they believe to be true, albeit breaking each other, than pretending that everything is okay.
He knows because they were always like this, they would break by hitting each other and gather again by hugging each other.
"I would have spent another thousand of these if you had let me, but you," Jimin pushes him in the chest with his fist hands again, not caring about the fact that his wrists are in the brunette's hands, "You are too coward to defend your own feelings, even if it means losing the person you call your fucking soulmate."
"If I had known I was going to lose you, even if I had to set the whole city on fire, I wouldn't have let that night end like that, I swear to you."
"But you did, Tae, and that's how the night ended," Jimin shrugs, remedilessly, then pulls his wrists between them when the already not too tight fingers loosen, "I can't blame you for anything you can't feel, I never did, but I wish you hadn't let me see that sparkle in your eyes while you were calling my name."
Jimin pulls away, quite aware that Taehyung has no strength to stop him from leaving once again, at least for tonight.
"I came back because this city is my home," Jimin is not blinking his eyes, his voice is flat, these are the last words he will say to him tonight, they both know it, "And the love I wasted on you is just a memory somewhere in that."
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A/N: Actually, I wasn't planning to update today, but Hobi's enlistment made me want to be distracted.. So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed the pain.. Remember that Hobi & I luv u 😔🖤
