Fatherly Conversations.

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Coming home is always a mixed bag of emotions, happiness and sadness... it come through in waves. The pleasure of seeing my family, the sadness of seeing my beloved father being so unwell.

Walking through the doors of the large and open home that my mother and father raised me in, I observed the photos around the entry on the shelves. The wood and sandy coloured decor, complimenting the beach view, noticing one photo in particular. Making a lot of sense now, a photo of dad and Mav.

Smiling at the photo in awe, I jumped in my skin as I heard my excited screaming mother running up to me

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Smiling at the photo in awe, I jumped in my skin as I heard my excited screaming mother running up to me. Embracing me in a tight and suffocating hug, laughing as I hugged her back. She held my face, admiring my features.

"You get prettier every time I see you, you're so glowy and dewy." She said as her eyes widened, as if she realised something. "You met a boy!" She cheered.

"Ma-." I begun as she ran off to the kitchen to where dad was drinking a nice herbal tea, following her as she danced around dad. She playfully slapped him.

"Your daughter has met a boy!" Ma filled him in, watching my fathers expression change as he looked to me. He was amused and sort of impressed.

"Hi dad." I smiled at him with a little wave, he smiled and waved back.

"Tell us! About this boy!" Mum demanded in a very excited tone, I looked to dad for help. Who put his hands up in surrender as he placed his empty cup in the sink. "I bet you'll tell your dad about it and not me." Mum dropped her lip, she loved the fact that dad and I were so close. I always managed to be more open with him then her.

"Leave her alone." Dad tried to defend me, walking around Mum he walked up to me. Swinging an arm over my shoulders as he looked to mum. "Daddy daughter time." Dad said as loud as he could, coughing afterwards. I rubbed my hand on his back. Trying to help as much as possible.

"Go on you two, go and have fun." She shooed us, dad dragged me around in a headlock as we headed to his office. Laughing as dad playfully shoved me, he patted the seat near his computer.

"Why, thank you." I said cheekily, taking a seat as well as his, I knew his throat was sore. He reached for his computer to talk, watching him type.

So... is there a boy?

"Dad!" I yelled as I through my head back in annoyance, he patted my knee to get my attention to look at him.

Your mother is never wrong.

"I know." I sighed heavily, looking towards the window. Admiring the view the office had, the beach I grew up on. I looked back at the screen.

You're scared, aren't you?"

I nodded to him, I was indeed scared. I have always strategically thought out every move, I wanted to live up to the legacy my father created. I didn't want to let him down, I didn't want to let myself down again.

It's ok to let people in, Freya.

"I let people in, Phoenix and Rooster. That counts." I argued as I folded my arms, feeling my chest feel heavy. I gulped heavy, trying to push down the emotions I was feeling.

That's different, Freya. Emotional attachment is beautiful, it brought me you.

I pressed my lips at my father, smiling as he smiled back. "I just don't want to let you down." I explained to him, as he sighed. Looking at me purely, full of love.

You could never let me down, I will always be proud of you.

"Thank you dad, I'm proud of you too. I guess." Shrugging, as I rolled my eyes. Trying to be a tease to lighten the mood, watching my dad try and stand up. I quickly stood up, helping him as he placed his arms on mine for balance. He held my face in his hands, he smiled as he admired me.

"It is ok to love again, Freya. You are the smartest and strongest human I know, you are my greatest adventure I have ever been on. I'm so proud of you." He spoke, tears filling my eyes. He brought me into a tight hug, sighing in relief. I smiled to myself, feeling the safe sensation... something I haven't felt in so long. "It's ok to drop your walls, don't be afraid to live." He whispered.

"I love you dad

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"I love you dad." I said gently, standing there for what felt like only a few moments. We stayed in the tight hug.  Hearing the door open up behind me, I laughed as dad went. "Shoo shoo!" To who I assumed was my mother, hearing the door close again. I sunk into my fathers chest, appreciating the moment that I was having with my father.

Because who knows how long I have left with him.

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