Scouting Legion High School [ An Attack on Titan Modern High School!AU ]

Attack on Nicolas Cage

"Have you guys heard that they're getting a new spiderman?" Levi asked.

"Oh Levi, you're such a nerd," Hanji commented.

"Shut up, Hanji," Levi glared at her. "This is a big deal. We don't know who it is yet..."

"Morgan Freeman?" Hanji asked.

"Ariana Grande?" Erd added.

"Kim Kardashian!" Gunther interjected.

Levi stared blankly ahead of him. "The people just got stupider and stupider."

"Nicolas Cage as Spiderman!" Erwin exclaimed.

"That would be a... very interesting turn of events," Levi stated.

"NOT THE BEES!" Hanji cried out. "NOT THE BEEEESSSSSSS!"

"Yes, Hanji, it's the bees that Nicolas Cage is known for..." Levi spoke to her as if she was five and couldn't understand much.

Hanji clapped her hands excitedly.

"Dude but what if Spiderman was put up against Batman?" Erd ask.

"Who would win?" Gunther asked in a dramatic voice. "The spider or the bat?"

"Nicolas Cage," Erwin answered nonchalantly.

Levi stared at Erwin. "We're over that now..."

"But Nicolas Cage probably isn't," Erwin argued.

"I swear, you can become the next Nicolas Cage," Levi ranted. "Sometimes, you are just too insane!"

"Like a vampire?" Erwin asked.

"Sure," Levi dismissed the idea that things would go even more wrong. "Whatever floats your boat.

"Holy shit, I'm a vampire," Erwin marveled.

"You started something, Levi," Hanji said.

"I know," Levi retorted. "I always start something!"

"Not the BEESSSSS!" Erwin cried out.

✎➕➖✖➗✐

Farlan was peacefully walking to his next class. However, the warning bell rang and the halls began to clear up. He had a minute left to get to class.

But at the corner of his eye, he sees something follow him.

Suddenly, he felt someone grab his shoulders and lean forward so that person was adjacent from Farlan's ear.

"Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him," the guy said.
"But you're hopelessly lost yourself.
Stranded with a murderer,
You creep silently through the underbrush.
A-ha! In the distance,
A small cottage with a light on.
Hope!
You move stealthily toward it,
But your leg! AH! It's caught in a bear trap!

Gnawing off your leg,
Quiet, quiet.
Limping toward the cottage,
Quiet, quiet.
Now you're on the doorstep,
Sitting inside, Nicolas Cage."

Farlan let out a sigh of relief when he realized it was Erwin. "Dude, I think you have your stars and references a little mixed up."

"Why?" Erwin asked.

"Wasn't the song supposed to be about Shia Labeouf?" Farlan asked. "You know, actual cannibal Shia Labeouf?"

Erwin blinked with confusion. "Yeah... Didn't I say that?"

"No," Farlan stated. "You said Nicolas Cage..."

Suddenly Erwin let out a cry of anguish. Or was it pain? Farlan couldn't really tell.

"I spent six damn hours memorizing that and I fucked it up!" Erwin shouted. "Gah, DAMMIT!" Erwin then stomped away, leaving Farlan quite confused.

And that was when the late bell rang.

"Well, I'm late," Farlan sighed. "Curse you Nicolas Cage!"

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