Scouting Legion High School [ An Attack on Titan Modern High School!AU ]

Pain and More Pain

Jean was walking to his locker one relatively nice day. His mind wandered off, thinking that he was now one year closer to adulthood. He had just turned sixteen, and frankly he didn't want to think about college or voting or taxes...

His efforts into looking decent were minimal. He wore an old oversized hoodie and sweatpants - nothing special. Besides, if he didn't draw attention to himself, perhaps bad things won't happen.

Jean found himself in the exact same hallway he was in last year on his birthday when his friends all decided to insult him in various manners. He decided not to tempt fate, and took the long way around to his locker.

Once he was there, Jean began to put in the combination. Then, he stopped immediately before opening it, fearing he may get struck in the face with a wad of confetti that was propelled at maximum velocity. However, considering that they all insulted him on his birthday last year, he didn't think any of his friends loved him enough to rig his locker. So, he shrugged and opened the locker.

That was when he was hit in the head by a dense confetti traveling at an alarming speed. Jean fell to the floor clutching his face in pain. "Why?!" He bellowed at the nearby conveniently placed decorative plastic trees.

"HA!" He heard Eren's obnoxious voice as he jumped out of the potted plant with a tree hat. "Happy birthday, suckaaaaahhh!" He drew out the last word as he scooted closer to the boy on the ground.

Then, Armin popped out of his own plant as well looking terrified. "I am so sorry." Then, his apologetic cute little expression transformed into one of annoyance as he glanced over slowly at Eren. "The wad was supposed to disperse! I literally scientifically tampered with it so the confetti would disperse on explosion! What did you do?!"

"I may or may not have stuck the wad in glue and let it dry," Eren said under his breath while trying not to smile.

There was a pause as Armin registered Eren's sheer stupidity. "WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU EVEN?"

"It's fun!" Eren whined.

"You know what's more fun?" Armin shouted as he violently gestured to Jean. "Not getting a concussion ON YOUR BIRTHDAY!"

"Hey," Eren said in a defensive tone. "It's his birthday. Think of this as the equivalent of getting sixteen slaps to the ass."

"Yeah," Jean croaked sarcastically. "Just to the face. And all at once."

Armin massaged his forehead with his index finger and thumb as he groaned. "Great, now he's going to have a pain-filled birthday. I try to do one nice thing!"

"Wait," Jean immediately hopped to his feet. "What do you mean by 'pain-filled'?"

That's when Connie walked up to him, and handed him a present.

"Why thank you, Connie-" Jean began however, Connie interrupted him.

"Cream pies, motherfucker," Connie stated.

"What-"

Connie drew back his hand and slapped Jean in the face with a cream pie. The pie fell onto the floor sloppily from his face as he stood stunned and surprised that he didn't expect something like that to happen.

Then, Ymir walked up to him and handed him another box.

"Oh no," Jean uttered.

"Hot fries, motherfucker," Ymir said. Before Jean could react, Ymir stretched out his sweatpants and dumped a heaping cupful of hot fries down his pants.

As Ymir walked away, Jean jumped and shimmied as he shook all the scorching fries out of his pants. He leaned against the locker, giving his legs a rest as the burning feeling slowly subsided.

That is when Reiner walked up to him with a chair in his hand. That wasn't even the worse part. Reiner may be wearing the shortest short shorts that Jean had ever seen... in the blinding color of hot pink.

Jean flinched as Reiner slammed down the chair in front of him and propped up his leg.

There was a vain smirk on his face as he flexed his leg muscles. "Thunder thighs, motherfucker."

"This is actually causing me pain!" Jean shouted while vaguely gesturing at the scene.

"Really?" Reiner asked. "You were supposed to rest your head on my leg while I crush you with my thunder thighs-"

"REINER!" A teacher bellowed from down the hallway. "THAT IS A DRESS CODE VIOLATION! IT LEAVES NOTHING UP TO THE IMAGINATION AND IT'S EVEN SHORTER THAN MY DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND'S COUSIN'S SHORTS! AND SHE'S A STRIPPER!"

"Reiner, you're a stripper?" Jean asked.

"No! You're a stripper!" Reiner accused him.

"He goes to pole dancing class every Tuesday," Armin added.

"You have no proof-"

"Hey, Jean!"

Everyone turned around to see Marco with Mikasa, Annie, Bertolt, Christa, and Sasha standing behind them. Marco held in his hand a box wrapped in blue paper with a smaller box on top. The smaller box was a cupcake from Jean's favorite cupcake place which was relatively far away.

"Happy birthday, Jean," Marco beamed.

"Happy birthday!" Everyone cheered as they blew their party horns and kazoos.

"Thanks, everyone," Jean smiled back. "This is nice for a change." He reached out for the present, but Marco pulled it away.

"I'll hold this for you for now," Marco said as happily as ever.

"Why?" Jean asked.

"Ready?" Marco called out. Everyone behind the freckled boy immediately dropped what ever party favor he or she was holding and held up a cupcake in each hand.

"You can run now," Marco smiled.

Jean immediately headed the advice. He spent the rest of his birthday experiencing mild pain and face cupcakes.

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AN: Jean's birthday: the return of the confetti wad... The movie...

SO APPARENTLY THERES AN FIGURE SKATING SPORTS ANIME IN THE FUTURE. LIKE YES PLEASE I ONLY SKATE FREE oh shiitake mushrooms wrong anime...

*clears throat*

So happy birthday horse face!!! May life be ever so kind to you.